I Need Some Space

It’s funny how people often say that when they breakup, instead of just saying that the relationship isn’t working anymore, stating why, and just breaking it off more honestly. I’ve always found that phrase kind of odd, but in some ways I definitely understand it, although in a much different context, and with a completely different meaning.

I prefer that people give me plenty of space in my personal life, physically and emotionally, I don’t want people hovering over me. I don’t have a favorite seat that I won’t let people sit in, but I definitely understand the fictional Sheldon wanting people to stay out of his bedroom, I’m the same way.

Stay out of my room, stay out of my car, unless you happen to be riding with me in it for some reason (don’t just randomly get into it, if you need something out of it, I’ll get it), and for crying out, don’t stand right on top of me. I like my personal space, and there are certain places that should just be mine to be in. I don’t take very kindly to personal space invaders.

I’ve noticed how much of a difference it makes when I’m allowed to have my space after spending two nights at the house I am rebuilding. I don’t know what mom’s big rush for me to move in there was all about, the siding isn’t completely done yet, the fence isn’t done, and a heating and cooling company is going to be looking into why the furnace doesn’t work on Monday (hooray, another bill! lol)

After all, she’s the one that for 5 years was hell bent on forcing me to stay in her house, barricading me in a room at one point when I tried to leave. “But you didn’t have a plan, where were you going to live, how were you going to have any money?” she said as her excuse for forcing me to stay then (and still stands by those excuses to this day).

Hmm….. Let’s see, why didn’t I have that plan again? Yes, that’s right, it was because you wouldn’t let me work, and I didn’t hardly have the time for it anyway because you kept pushing me to go to a local community college that I had already proven to you in many different ways that it was a complete scam, but you kept denying it (I think she knew all along, but it was a convenient way to tie me down), so I couldn’t have a job, money, or a place to go, and you would have gotten in the way of any plan I had to try to leave anyway. Does that about cover it?

Anyway, the interior of the house is done, and since I have spent the last two nights over there, I’ve noticed that I’m much more awake in the mornings than I used to be, and more relaxed. That helps me out in so many different ways.

My memory completely shatters into pieces, and my cognitive abilities are cut in about half of what they normally are when I’m extremely stressed or tired. 

My co-workers are still hassling me about leaving my keys in the ignition with the car running last week during one of those ultra stressed days. I was glad that Edwardsville’s police department came and unlocked it, otherwise I would have been utterly screwed, I could have called emergency roadside service through my insurance, but the insurance cards and phone number for my insurance were in the car….

Now that I actually have space to myself, I feel better, and have more time. My mom and dad have absolutely no concept or understanding of  the term personal space, (or for that matter, boundaries). My dad, as I have talked about before, due to mental health issues, is incredibly obsessive and hyper (my mom thinks it’s funny, but he hates it when I hassle him that the TV character Adrian Monk is his brother).

Undercover Agnostic (Update 14): Personal Space Invaders

I have noticed a pattern after spending 24 years now inside the world of Christian fundamentalists here in the Midwestern United States. In many Protestant churches, it's typical for the opening of the Sunday morning services to start with an announcement from the pastor or music director, then there will be an opening song that the choir or praise band will sing.

As this opening song starts, the pastor or music director will say to the people to shake hands with everybody and introduce yourself if you see someone you don't recognize. The people all get up, chattering amongst each other, making the rounds around the sanctuary. This happens all the time across the US, but in the 3 churches I have been either a member of, (or at least a regular attending person for a few years), I keep noticing that during this period of time that no matter what church I was in, there always seems to be the same cast of characters that show up in each congregation.

First you have the elderly woman (or women) that play the part of "everyone's Grandma". They've been in the congregation for many years, they know everyone, and if you don't know you yet, well, believe me, they will get to know you. During this time period, they will always insist on hugging and kissing everyone they meet.

Second you have the "always happy guy" character. He is usually a deacon or Sunday School teacher, or just simply an well established and respected member of the congregation. He's usually a large, middle aged guy who always seems happy, has to greet everyone, and if he knows you, he will insist on saying, "Hi (your name)" rather loudly, and will give a strong handshake before insisting on a big "brotherly hug".

Third, you have the pastor himself. He's always in a suit, or at least a shirt and tie, will give you handshake so strong you are wondering if he's trying to see if he can break a finger or two. After the painful handshake, he will insist on putting his hand on top of your shoulder, or on the back of the shoulder, and act like your therapist or your caring older brother, and ask in a very concerned voice "How have you been doing this past week, are you alright?"

There's always some variation on these characters, but they will show up in one form or combination or another, and they all have one thing in common: They have to touch everybody they see, and get into your personal space. They mean no harm by it, but they feel like they aren't a proper Christian church member if they don't touch and get into the personal space of everyone they meet on a Sunday morning.