Guest Post: Life Is Like Planning a Trip Across Antartica

Sheldon's note: Today's guest post is from Lana of the blog Lana Hobbs the Brave. She is a wife, mother, and ex-Christian who grew up in the world of Christian fundamentalism.

I have to say that I greatly admire her courage in speaking so openly about mental illness both here and on her blog (under her own name, no less). She has been diagnosed with depression and bipolar disorder, and like me, has her strong suspicions that she is autistic as well.

If you haven't done so already, check out yesterday's post for a link to my recent guest post on her blog.

Once upon a time there was a woman who just couldn't be happy, who couldn't keep her house clean, and who had trouble making friends. 

That would be me.

Sometimes I may look like a lazy person with a bad attitude, but actually I suffer from bipolar disorder 2 -- with a lot of depression -- and am probably aspergers. 

What life with mental illness and autism spectrum disorders means is that a person must work very hard just to seem ‘normal’. 

An autistic person works much harder to do what comes naturally to a neurotypical person. This post does an excellent job of explaining this dynamic.

I think the concept works for mental illness, too. For example, at times I have to work very hard to simply NOT think about suicide all day long. It takes all my brain power to constantly redirect my thoughts. 

At other times, I’m hypomanic and everything feels like a huge deal. I must accomplish ALL THE THINGS immediately! And heaven forbid anyone stands in my way. 

When this happens, I have to concentrate very hard to remind myself to slow down and not holler at everyone who is irritating me by walking too slowly.

When I’m anxious, just picking out which barbecue sauce to buy at the store feels like I am planning a trip across Antarctica. And then I have to do that a dozen more times, for every item. It can be exhausting. I sometimes only make it through by muttering to myself aloud. I probably look insane and out of control, but the fact is that I am working very hard to be in as much control as I am. Without all my willpower and effort, I would be standing blankly in the middle of the very first aisle.