I have so much history in this town, but there's nothing left for me here. As many regular readers know, my family is no longer in my life, besides my sister in northern Indiana.
I lost just about everyone who was already in my social circles when I left the creepy/borderline cult church I was in. I have no reason to stay here other than the fact that when I bought the house as a foreclosure for cash off of the federal agency HUD, I signed a contract that I wouldn't sell the house until June 2015. I'm stuck here until then.
I don't like that, I'm ready to ditch my old roots, I'm tired of reminders of my parents everywhere I go in the town, and having to go out of my way to avoid places I know they will be.
Some communication I've had with Granite City's police department since The Confrontation, and their actions during The Confrontation has shown me that they aren't very willing to do much to help stand behind me, I'm not sure why they're not taking it seriously, so the risk of a public meeting by accident is too great. Fortunately for me, Mrs. Sociopath has horrible night vision, so any time I go into stores after dark, I'm fine.
I'm tired of this place, and it's probably not good for my health. I'm close enough to a steel plant owned by US steel (pictured at left), that I can hear "man down" sirens go off when there's been an injury. It's a highly industrial town, and I'm tired of the pollution and the noise.
I've considered moving to a rural county north of me, I would enjoy the peace, quiet, and the neighborly attitude. Besides, I could finally have my "dog farm" if I'm in a rural area. I would still be close to a highway that runs past my work, though. I'm ready to leave this town already, and I'm not sure what to do in the meantime.
I'm trying to figure out what to do, to settle my restlessness. I've been rebuilding my social networks somewhat in person by attending the Unitarian church I am in, but I still feel alone in this town. It's a sad reminder of who I used to be, not who I can become, there's so much history here, and not much of it is good. I want a fresh start, a new town, dump the old history, and start over.
I can't wait to leave.
I lost just about everyone who was already in my social circles when I left the creepy/borderline cult church I was in. I have no reason to stay here other than the fact that when I bought the house as a foreclosure for cash off of the federal agency HUD, I signed a contract that I wouldn't sell the house until June 2015. I'm stuck here until then.
I don't like that, I'm ready to ditch my old roots, I'm tired of reminders of my parents everywhere I go in the town, and having to go out of my way to avoid places I know they will be.
Some communication I've had with Granite City's police department since The Confrontation, and their actions during The Confrontation has shown me that they aren't very willing to do much to help stand behind me, I'm not sure why they're not taking it seriously, so the risk of a public meeting by accident is too great. Fortunately for me, Mrs. Sociopath has horrible night vision, so any time I go into stores after dark, I'm fine.
I've considered moving to a rural county north of me, I would enjoy the peace, quiet, and the neighborly attitude. Besides, I could finally have my "dog farm" if I'm in a rural area. I would still be close to a highway that runs past my work, though. I'm ready to leave this town already, and I'm not sure what to do in the meantime.
I'm trying to figure out what to do, to settle my restlessness. I've been rebuilding my social networks somewhat in person by attending the Unitarian church I am in, but I still feel alone in this town. It's a sad reminder of who I used to be, not who I can become, there's so much history here, and not much of it is good. I want a fresh start, a new town, dump the old history, and start over.
I can't wait to leave.
Big cities are full of people who came from small towns that stifled them. I'm not necessarily recommending a big city, but if you want a social network it's easier where there are more people. The odds are with you for finding like-minded people.
ReplyDeleteI'm only 10 miles from St. Louis. I don't think I would like a large city, too much noise and commotion.
DeleteWhat about a smaller city, or the suburban areas around a large city? They offer the strengths of the city (culture, fun events, opportunities to join social circles) but have less noise, crowding, and crime.
DeleteI like the countryside better. :)
DeleteOh, I totally get this. I especially like what you said about not wanting to live with the reminder of the past but look to something bigger than the present. See, I have been there, but you know, I think it's healthy too. We need to be apart of a community that pushes us forward. When it's warmer and you have vacation days, you really should get in your car and drive. Sleep in your car to save money, but see areas besides that little place. I would not want to move just a county away from my parents. I wanted a change in scenery. You do what makes you happy, but I encourage you to think about other parts of the country too. You know what's nice about being way up here? There is almost no chance I would ever run into anybody from my hometown. If I lived in a city in Texas, I might be several hours from my hometown I'd still always have that chance or running into people, though.
ReplyDeleteAs for cities, I would not be happy in a city either, not even suburbs. I may have to temporarily, but I wouldn't want to settle in one. I know there is more social opportunities in the city, but then, I'm an introvert.
I would love to travel, it's been years since I have been to Louisville, but it was an amazing city.
DeleteI get it. Whatever you decide to do is what will be best for you and while it is always difficult to adjust just roll with it.
ReplyDelete