Even though I don't share his often arrogant attitude towards other people, I see a lot of myself in him, there's many habits that I have because of my mind and my (ahem) peculiar past that many people don't understand. One aspect of his life that I see so often in myself is his inability to understand and relate to people, and the frustration that accompanies that For a good example of this, I'm linking to the CBS website, to an episode from his season called the "The 43 Peculiarity".
I regret that there's no way that I can post it directly to the blog, you must click the link, I can't find it on YouTube. In this episode, Howard and Raj can not figure out why Sheldon keeps going down to a storage room in the basement of the university that they work for during lunch hour for 20 minutes every day. They get into the storage room, and see a chalkboard with the number 43 in there, and some assorted items in storage, they keep trying to figure out what he is doing, and even go to the extreme of planting a web cam in the room to record during the lunch hour.
It's rather hilarious what he is actually doing down there, and I won't spoil the surprise, watch the episode, but in his frustration in their inability to leave him alone, and quit questioning about what he is doing in the basement room, he says something that really hits me, a feeling that I can really identify with, though some of his statement doesn't apply to me, and some of it you may not understand unless you are familiar with the character. Wait for the ads, the skip ahead to the 19:30 mark. Here's what he said, if you are unable to view the video for some reason:
"You may not realize it, but I have difficulty navigating everyday life. Understanding sarcasm, feigning interest in others, not talking about trains as much as I would like too.... It's exhausting, which is why, for 20 minutes a day, I like to go down to that room, turn my mind off, and do what I need to do to recharge"
When I first saw that episode several weeks ago, that scene, and Sheldon's statement really spoke to me . Though I'm not arrogant like he can be (and I'm not obsessed with trains, either), I can identify in so many ways. It's hard for me to understand people in real life, tone of voice and body language are often little more than distractions to me, unlike most people, they don't add anything to the context of what someone is saying. If someone is saying something that is meant to be a joke or sarcasm of some sort, I may not always catch it, especially if as some of my co-workers who know me well like to do, say it with a flat, serious tone of voice and a straight face. That is absolutely frustrating as hell....
There's so many minor, unspoken rules in life that most people take for granted that I take me a long time to learn, if I can figure them out at all. It's frustrating to know that I've offended people somehow, and I don't have a damn clue why. One habit I found was frustrating people was my tendency to start pacing without even realizing it. People either find it confusing/distracting or get angry because they take it as a sign of impatience. I didn't know that for the longest time, and I couldn't figure out why people were being so hostile for what I thought was no apparent reason.
Sometimes, like Sheldon in that episode, I just want to be alone too and forget about the world for a moment, it's hard trying to constantly figure out people, and think through what most people do unconsciously, and deal with their expectations that I somehow automatically know the "proper" rules and habit of how people supposedly should act in the most minor, unimportant details of everyday life.
It's why I love the internet so much, people can't see me, and there's no additional subconscious additions to what people are saying, such as body language, and tone of voice, and emotional context.
It's just text, simple, glorious text, that stand on it's own, and speaks for itself. I can understand people, and they can understand me just fine, for once in my life, it's liberating. I think it's why I've had had little success I have had in blogging, finally, I can be me, and express myself in a way that people can understand and enjoy.
It's wonderful.....
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| (This is my way of showing my excitement, nothing shows celebration better than fireworks, right?) :) |
