A Broken Window and a Major Victory

This has been a stressful week. For two weeks I was out of Cymbalta due to problems with insurance, red tape and hassles involving my name change and an incorrect birth date in my file. Normally I fight through the pain and fatigue, and make sure that I'm using my CPAP mask for sleep apnea, staying hydrated, and just fight though it. By last Wednesday, I just couldn't do it anymore. I called off for the half day of work I had scheduled, and slept until noon. It took me until about 2 pm to be conscious enough to want to go work out, and when I go to my car, I see this.

 

 

I go on with my day, stopping by a Wal Mart to get Gorilla Tape and a roll of plastic similar to what is used when people are painting to keep paint off of carpets and furniture (I figured it would be strong enough not to rip). I knew damn well who did it, but I didn't feel like dealing with it further that day.

 

There's two people who would definitely do something like this, the kind of people who have such poor character that they think there is nothing wrong with beating children , molesting children and teens, holding someone hostage in their home, or attempting to force their way into a house and make violent threats towards the owner if said owner doesn't want them in their life anymore. To top it off, they are working on a rental house for a relative nearly two blocks away, so I know they have been in the area, and on the same street.

 

I made a police report Thursday evening, and thankfully the officer that responded did far better than the last two times officers had to respond to my address. I gave the dispatcher a little background the last two incidents, and made reference to the order that M. Dolon Hickmon helped to draft, and what the police chief had said the last time. I overheard another dispatcher say "oh God" in frustration as though they were saying "not this house again...".

 

The officer that responded did respond quite well to the situation and though he said what I expected that no charges can come from this without a witness or video recording, etc. If the object used to break it was left in the car, that would even help, since fingerprints could be run, but no such luck.

A Lost Puppy and a Letter From a Sociopath

I was rather stressed yesterday afternoon due to a letter from my sociopathic mother (I'll talk more about that later in the post), and I guess the stress was making me want to binge on food (maybe getting involved with OA, should be in my future, who knows....), I had stopped by a local pizzeria that I hadn't been been to in a while, but they were closed. So, I changed plans, and decided to go to a fast food place just off of a local highway.

I cut through some nearby neighborhoods to get to that highway quite often, and as I'm driving, I noticed that traffic on my side of the road on this busy street running through the neighborhoods is coming to a stop, and I don't know why.

A white pit bull pup, who looked a lot like the dog pictured at left here, is going up in front of vehicles, getting them to stop, and then eagerly running to their driver's side door, as though he expects them to let him in and take him for a ride. He's about 60 pounds, probably 7-10 months old, and seems like a very happy dog.

This didn't sit well with me, it was after 3 pm, and so I knew Granite City's Animal Control department would be out of their offices, and not running any trucks either, and I knew if I called the police department dispatcher, and this normally happy dog has an aversion to uniforms (like many dogs do), they wouldn't hesitate to shoot him, our police department is notorious for being trigger happy with large dogs, especially pit bulls.

I start driving through the neighborhoods on both sides of this road, looking for him, asking people walking down the streets if they had seen him, some had, and they were directing me as to where they last saw him. I kept searching, driving up and down the blocks, seeing school buses stop and let children out (I especially looked for him when I saw the buses, because a happy dog like him would probably enjoy children).

All my searching come to nothing, though. I thought I had spotted him at one point, but it was an English Boxer (Boxer/British Bulldog hybrid) safely contained in someone's yard.

I had hoped that either he found his way home or that someone with good intentions had picked him up. I was hoping to convince him to come into the car (which probably would have been easy to do), and turn him over to a no kill shelter in the morning, find out if they could help to find his owner.

He seemed well taken care of, even his bright white coat was very clean. I didn't know why I was so concerned about this poor lost dog. I have always understood dogs better than people, and I guess with everything that has been overturned in my life lately, I understand where this lost pup was coming from.

Somebody on That Internet (Guest Post).

Sheldon's note: Today's post is from a fan of the blog who recently contacted me, she wanted to tell her story of leaving Christianity, and coming to terms with being transgender. She wants to only be identified as Natasha.

On Christmas day 1995, I received my first computer. It was all mine, no censorship, no controls. In the beginning, I used it to play games, sooner or later burning it out, and progressing to other computers, like my sister's Windows 98. Parallel to my computer progressions were personal progressions. Most notably, at around ten years old I scoured the internet to find people who felt like I did, my first exposure to the term "transgender."

When I was twelve, my internet exploration expanded. I found my way to conspiracy sites and then back around to sites that promoted skepticism and critical thinking. It was a total paradigm shift, as between the ages of twelve and fourteen I went from a Noah's Flood-doubting Jesusite to a full-blown atheist. To be sure, it was mostly my initiative: I became active in questioning the things in the Bible that didn't make any sense (starting with the flood) and worked my way to the actual scientific questions of evolution and the big bang. I was absolutely relentless in this search for knowledge.

It was somewhere in the middle of that period of rapid change where Somebody On That Internet first showed his face.

When I started openly questioning the doctrines of Christianity, asking my parents to source their statements or tell me how things were the least bit rational, they had a curious defense: Somebody On That Internet must be training me to be anti-Christian.

During this period, I had no internet friends, it was just me and Google, plus occasional regular sites like Bad Astronomy. To them, being from a hardcore Christian culture, it must have made no sense for someone so young to be able to think for themselves, so they had to invent a villain who was trying to warp my mind.

Somebody On That Internet didn't just dabble in skepticism, however. Somebody On That Internet was also the first (and last) person to go around trying to convert people to transsexuality.

My first time coming out as transgender was in 2005, when I would have been between fourteen and fifteen. I had been caught "crossdressing" no less than four times over the preceding 7 years and they probably knew that even after the last time I didn't stop.

 In retrospect, they had to know. Like atheism, it was just a phase, they knew what I wanted more than I did, and it wasn't "to be a girl." After coming out as transgender, I was told that Somebody On That Internet was brainwashing me into bad things, first turning me into an atheist and then making me think I didn't want to be a boy. Clearly, Somebody On That Internet was a master of manipulation.

Changed Locks and Violent Parents (Part 2): Picking Up the Shattered Pieces

Sheldon's note: If you haven't already, read post 1, The Confrontation, before continuing to read this post, because it will not make sense out of context.

After the confrontation Wednesday, I'm resting, and trying to pick up the pieces of my life. They haven't attempted to visit, or contact me, if they try, or if they make a huge scene if I encounter them in a public place (which could easily happen in a town of 30,000 people), then I'll file charges and/or a restraining order.

 I know some people had been asking about that, if I would go through with a restraining order, but I was already notified by the officer at the scene that they can be prosecuted simply for trying to contact me, or showing up at the house again. If they do attempt anything like that, or go after "Cathy", the neighbor that is helping me with my dog, "Happy Horse", then there will be hell to pay legally for them (especially if they try to go after Cathy and her kids).

Right now, I guess you could best describe me as being war weary, and trying to recover. I'm looking at where to go from here. All I know is that I'm going nowhere near them from now on, my mom has proven that she can't change.

She actually had the nerve to tell my sister in Indiana that she couldn't understand why I got law enforcement involved. Seriously? Relative or not, if someone is trying to force their way into your home, what else would you do? Better question, why can't a mentally healthy 54 year old adult understand this basic concept (or is trying to pretend not to, she's good at playing stupid sometimes)?

My life is going to drastically change, I know that I have to rebuild all of my social circles all over again, from this week forward, I'm no longer the Undercover Agnostic.

The time had come for me to finally come out, my sister already knows that I'm not a Christian anymore, though I didn't tell her about becoming an atheist, but from now on, if the issue comes up in conversation, or I'm asked, I'll calmly lay it out there. I'm not the kind of person to shout what I believe on faith, politics, etc, from the rooftops offline, it's not who I am.

The problem arises however, that I'm going to have to rebuild all my social circles all over again, the people I knew from the fundie church will drift away for various reasons, whether it be simple lack of contact/no shared interests, believing the lies that my mom will inevitably tell them about this incident, or rejecting me as being an "evil sinner", even though my lifestyle won't change that much, I'll be "one of them", the people from the evil outside world, no matter how I live my life.

Some of them will stick around like, Jason, the Sunday School teacher (partly because we still work for the same company), and the young couple Sam and Rose, that I have been good friends with for years, but I need to start new circles, look for new groups, it's getting too quiet and lonely around the house.

I had thought that I would skip anything resembling a church from now on, but it turns out that getting up and going somewhere on a Sunday morning is too hard of a habit to break.

I went this past Sunday to a Unitarian church. I had to go about 10-15 miles to a nearby community for the closest one, it only took me about 20 minutes to get to the neighborhood, but about 30 minutes to find the church within the historical neighborhood that the church is in (thanks, Google Maps).

My Advice on How to Cope with the Outside World Post-Fundamentalism

Recently, I ran across a post from Lana Hope of Wide Open Ground about  her struggles in trying to deal with the outside world. Here’s an excerpt:

When I write about cultural disconnect or socialization problems, I am not just talking about some short painful period after high school, where I went to college, experienced intense culture shock, and then got over myself and became a regular adult. If only that were true.

I am bombarded weekly with mainstream cultural references and ideas, and 90 times out of 100, it’s met with a blank “What The Heck Are You Saying?” from me. In other words, my childhood stabs me in the back, constantly.

She then goes on to talk about an incident with a neighbor where the neighbor mentioned the fact that the 70’s band, the Eagles, grew up in a town not far from her hometown, and the neighbor’s astonishment at the fact that she didn’t realize who the Eagles were.

Reading the entire post, I just wanted to reach through the computer screen and hug her (though I don’t know if she would be comfortable with that, lol). I’ve been there, it makes you feel like an idiot sometimes when you don’t know what someone else is talking about, or makes you feel so disconnected and out of touch from everything around you. I’ve had a double dose of that feeling, both because of my fundamentalist upbringing, and the way that my mind works, it can make communication with people in person difficult enough, then to throw in the cultural disconnect makes it far worse.

There is so much that you miss out on being so isolated from the outside world, and it can be embarrassing sometimes to now know what someone is talking about, my biggest problem was the lack of proper sexual education in an environment like that, it’s embarrassing to say that I wasn’t even familiar with what masturbation was until I was 18 years old.

I’m sure that are more people out there who are dealing with this right now, and though I’m definitely not the shining example of fitting into society, but here’s a few things that I have learned, and maybe, I hope that it will be able to help others who are dealing with this same problem. Here’s my biggest tips on trying to adjust:

When trying to learn about modern music, to better understand its influence on culture, YouTube is your best friend.

Just immerse yourself into music, dive into it. It’s especially important to familiarize yourself with classic rock, because it has had quite a bit of influence on American culture, especially among people from the baby boomer generation. YouTube now has entire albums and full concert recordings up on the site. Get familiar with groups like AC/DC, the Rolling Stones, and yes, even the Eagles. You will be surprised just how much their music influences various cultural references.

The Most Intense Guest Post I Have Ever Written

Now that I am in the process of moving forward in life, since I have bought my own house (closing was this past Thursday, June 20th, I now legally own it), I have realized that I still have a lot of work to do, not only on the house, but there's a lot of work to do emotionally as well. I've realized that if I am really going to move on in life, I have to confront my past, and start building networks of new people in my life.

Well, in the spirit of confronting my past, I recently wrote a guest post for the blog Confessions of a Heretic Husband (I really love the tagline under the blog's name "Everyone's a heretic to someone"). It's a guest post that was harder for me to write than anything I have ever written before, it's still hard for me to read. On this blog, I have generally been very open about my life, but there are some details of my life, especially from the last 5 years of my life, after that infamous nervous breakdown, that I haven't told anyone, either on this blog or in person. All of that changes today with this guest post.

It's not an exaggeration in the least to say that I have been held hostage for the last 5 years, it's hard to say, and humiliating as well. 

There was a time, about 3 years ago, that I attempted to leave my mom and dad's home, and my mom in response literally barricaded the door to keep me from leaving, knowing that if I tried to push past her, she would either become violent, or play the victim, and claim that I physically harmed her. Some abusers are really good at playing manipulative games like that, playing the victim to gain sympathy when they are the ones carrying out the abuse. 

Here are some excerpts from the post:

“Where are you going?” she kept asking over and over again, with defiance and a hint of amused contempt as she stood in the middle of the only doorway out of the room. 

Religious Extremism Causes Horrific Tragedies

Recently, a child died in Pennsylvania because his parents refused to get him medical care, and an infant in Chile was burned alive because a cult thought he was the anti-Christ.

Brandon Schiable was born into a family in Pennsylvania who rejects all forms of medical care, because their church believes that it is a sin, it's a lack of trust in God. 8 month old Brandon started to get heavy breathing, diarrhea, and several other signs that he was seriously ill, but still, his parents stuck to their beliefs that medical care is immoral, and young Brandon died.

The most disturbing aspect of this story is that Brandon's parents, Hebert and Catherine were already on probation for manslaughter, because of the death of their infant son Kent in 2009 under similar circumstances.

Herbert and Catherine's mugshots

After their conviction, their remaining children were allowed remain in their custody, but the court ruled that if their children were to become ill again, that the children should receive care, and that all instructions by the doctor must be followed.

 That didn't happen, obviously .Their lawyer even had doubts over whether or not they were going to follow the judge's order after their 2011 sentencing:

Guest Post: Breaking Free from Fundamentalism

Today's post is a guest post from Lana of the blog Wide Open Ground. She successfully broke free from her fundamentalist family, who were followers of IFB cult leader Bill Gothard.

She is now a liberal Christian, (a self-described Christian universalist), and a missionary in Southeast Asia.

She writes about her childhood and experiences now in her blog, Wide Open Ground, and she is also now a contributing writer to the wildly successful blog project, Homeschoolers Anonymous, which is a collaborative project where former fundamentalists like us are given a chance to talk about our homeschooling past.

I had asked her recently if she would like to talk about what her advice would be for young adults who are trying to break free from a fundamentalist background, which is something that has been on my mind lately, since I will be coming out to the people around me sometime in the near future. This is her story, and her advice. She said that she wrote this young adults in mind, people who are just starting out their adult lives. If someone is a teen, well of course, this wouldn't work. Short of there being physical/sexual abuse in the home, where local authorities can get involved, there's not much a teen could do if stuck in a fundamentalist home. (Sometimes, it does occur in fundamentalist households).

I came from a fundamental Christian background. I was homeschooled for 12 years, and my family was members of ATI, a fundamentalist group led by Bill Gothard. I grew up in a vacuum, believing that public schools were synagogues of Satan and the teachers were its priests. After elementary school I had only a couple of friends, none of which were from public schools. I wore mostly dresses, never watched TV and never listened to any kind of contemporary Christian music.

Today I’m out of it all and overall thriving. If you are leaving fundamentalism, let me encourage you that it does get better. Here are a few little tips on leaving, and then you can comment and add to the list.
First, admit that fundamentalism damaged you. Oddly, this has been hard for me. See my family was also dysfunctional, so at first I thought my struggles were only a result of childhood hurts. It’s true that my family was dysfunctional, and it’s true my parents hurt me, but let’s not underestimate the kind of damage that social isolation and a gendered childhood did to me as well. If you are leaving fundamentalism, be prepared for everyone to tell you your problem is either in your head, or it’s just your family. Ignore them. 

Disgusting Attacks Upon the Family of Rick Warren After His Son's Death

This past week, Matthew Warren, 27 year old son of popular minister Rick Warren (he is best known for being the author of "The Purpose Driven Life") decided to end his own life after a nearly lifelong battle with depression.

My heart goes out to this family during this time of tragedy, and I find it incredible that Rick Warren said that he forgives the person who illegally sold a gun to his son, the very gun that he used to end his life.

What I find disturbing about this whole matter though is that some fundamentalists can't seem to take a break from their hatred of Rick Warren over theological issues, or their belief that Rick Warren's books and teaches are watered down Christianity (despite the fact that he is an evangelical like many of them). Some of the comments made on public websites are rather disgusting, and here's a taste of the hate thrown at the family, it really shows the depth of hate and ignorance about mental illness often found in fundamentalism:

Train up your children in the way, live a godly example with right priorities, care enough to home-school despite the great sacrifice involved, don’t let them date unchaperoned, have daily family devotions, turn off the 1-eyed idiot, TRULY HAVE A PURPOSE-DRIVEN LIFE, and your children WILL NOT COMMIT SUICIDE, nor will they be involved in homosexuality, nor fornication.

Suicide happens soon after your stupid enough to read “The Purpose Driven Life”. 

A Frustrating Exchange with a Fundamentalist Blogger

I don't even know why I bother reading fundamentalist blogs sometimes. Self hatred, perhaps? 

I don't understand why I have a compulsion to read blogs I know are going to make my blood boil, like William Lane Craig's "Reasonable Faith" website, or John Piper's Desiring God. I don't fully understand why I get in debates with fundamentalists online either, but I keep getting drawn into it, even though most of the time, the fundamentalist at the end, will choose this as their debating tactic:

Having an obsessive personality is a pain sometimes....

Well, today, I run across a fundamentalist blogger saying that the reason fundamentalism is losing people is because churches, because wait for it..... churches are trying to be too modern.

Yes, you read that right, and for those of you who have never been fundamentalists, it seems like a strange argument to make, but I have hear it many times. Here's a quote from the post:

Back to the link. The church is too normal and mainstream to mean anything to young people. Such a great insight. The church just continues to adopt cultural norms and expects to have an effect on society. Today's church reacts to pop culture by...wait for it...becoming more pop culture.  The Bible doesn't do that. It is the Truth. God's Word doesn't care about Sodom and Gomorrah's practices. The Truth is not democratic. A church cannot possibly hope to reach young adults by appearing no different than the rave they went to Saturday night.

A Comment on My Blog That Makes Me Want to Vomit

Lately, I've had to apply moderation for comments here on my blog, making sure that all comments are reviewed by me first before they are posted. I had to do this because of some determined spammers who were unfortunately getting through, and posting comments, despite the CAPTCHA's that everyone has to enter before posting a comment (I have no idea how they were doing this, unless they were actual people instead of bots).

Well, as it turns out, I have have another reason to keep the comment moderation going: Angry, bitter fundies. There was an anonymous person who wanted to speak their mind on a post about Hephzipbah House, a home for teen girls ran by a minister and his wife. There have been accounts coming out from women who were residents there in the 80's and 90's, sent there by their fundamentalist parents (mostly IFB families, who thought they were "too rebellious", I've shown you on this blog who vicious the IFB can be to women and children), of horrendous physical torture and outrageous psychological abuse.

I considered deleting the comment, but I decided against it for two reasons. One, I would feel like a hypocrite, I'm very libertarian, and not very fond of censorship, and two, I want to show just how vile and disgusting the IFB and their defenders are, here it is, for all to see:

God Is Going to Give You a Million Dollars! Pat Robertson Said So!

On his show, the 700 Club last week, Pat Robertson said that god told him that god was going to give a fan of the show one million dollars.

“God is going to supply a million dollars, somebody is praying right now, right this second,” Robertson said, his eyes closed in prayer. 

 “You’re praying for a million dollars and God said, ‘I have heard your prayer, I know your need, and I’m going to supply the need that you requested.’ It’s done, in Jesus’s name.”

This is not the only outrageous statement he has made in recent weeks (of course not), in a question and answer segment on his show, he told a follower that demons can attach themselves to thrift store clothes:

Guest Post: When Your Family Becomes Your Enemies

Today's post was sent to me by a regular reader of the blog. This reader wishes to stay anonymous, and after reading this post, you will understand why. 

His account of his life is shocking and heartbreaking, but unfortunately, it's the cold, cruel reality for some LGBT people in the US who grew up with a fundamentalist, and/or homophobic family. This post may be difficult to read for some of you in my blog audience:


There comes a time in almost every LGBT person's life that they end up coming out of the closet, either by their own choice or by force (someone finding out and blabbing their fat chops through familial gossip chains), perhaps internet history, whatever.  When your family aren't that religious to begin with, pagan (such as Wiccans, love me some Wiccans) or just flat out atheist, Houston, we have a problem.  Yes, I'm talking about the religious nut jobs in which you would think they would have been sent to a psychiatric inpatient ward with the straight jacked sewn on indefinitely.

Needless to say, since the batshit insane, psychopathically inept and stupid of the families are the ones that we have to worry about the most, including Mormons and Evangelicals but no single sect of Christianity is immune to harsh treatment to LGBT homophobia and outright bigotry.  This even sadly includes the Jews who should know better.  Jews that read ancient Hebrew don't typically have this problem, however, still not immune to homophobic bigotry.
Your parents of all people are supposed to love you unconditionally.  

Though like an article I read on the web elsewhere, "I'm Christian, unless you're gay", the title and content of the article ring completely true to my ears.   I'm gay, raised Jewish and converted Mormon.

Aside from having been excommunicated from the Mormon church and (oddly enough) the Jewish community as a whole, I've also been disowned by my family, having had both parents tell me they never loved me and never wanted to see nor hear from me ever again.  The most memorable quote comes from my dad, "You'd be better off dead" then my mother, "I've never loved you and now I know why.  It was God telling me you'd turn out an evil gay."  Oh and let's not forget my aunt after my cousin and some of his friends attempted to kill me, "Call us and let us know when you're going to kill yourself so we can celebrate".  

And yes, I tried pressing charges against my attackers and would be murderers, however, the police report (Sherwood, AR, USA) listed me as the attacker because I shoved and threatened to testify against me should I attempt to press charges. Needless to say, I tried to press charges, no lawyer was willing to take my case.

It was bad enough growing up knowing that I had a different attraction than the rest of my family and everyone else I knew. Growing up, I had a secret interest in guys, knew this around the age of 5 honestly and it's not changed.  So no, it's not something I just decided one morning over a bowl of cereal, who the hell in their right mind would decide to be the most hated and oppressed kind of person in the world? 

 Screw that, if I could flip a switch and "Decide" to be straight, I would've done it a long, long, long time ago.  It would've saved me a lot of stress, pain, trauma and heartache.  It would've also prevented 3 failed suicide attempts during my young teenager years, needless to say all a whole bottle of aspirin did to me was make me very sick and weak a couple days, the copious amounts of meth just made me stay up and hyper for a week and the crack, well, let's just say I felt really damn good but didn't do much else.  Never had the balls to slice myself.

So aside from growing up thinking that I'm a horrible person, listening to sermons at church from both familial religions (Jews and Mormons) on how gays are evil, sinful people doomed to an eternity of torture in hell, or just rot where the worm never turns away from the grace of God (depends on which side of the family we're talking about here).

I'm going to have to say that I felt ashamed of myself.  I hated myself.  I saw myself as evil, vile and sinful.  I was miserable growing up as a child because I knew I was different and the anti-gay preachers sending my family into a mullet fantasia, thumping their bibles like the monster truck enthusiasts they are, I was surrounded by people who agreed with sermons about how gays should be publicly executed, sitting right there listening to my family chime in on how much they think people like me should be outright killed.  Again, I was just a child.

Imagine a 5 or 6 year old child, sitting in a church and listening to how everyone wants people like him dead.  If that's hard for you to imagine, then imagine this.  A black child in the middle of a KKK meeting.  It's hurtful to the child.  Now I will grant you that the black kid in the KKK meeting isn't exactly the same, because obviously the KKK aren't family with the black kid.  However, being a gay kid in the middle of your own family's church listening to your family and church's pastor/bishop/rabbi preach hatred towards people like you, people that have the same urges as you, you gather quick that you need to STFU and keep yourself secret.

I kept hearing from my family throughout my entire childhood, "You're so anti-social, it's not healthy.  You're always staying to yourself and never talking."  Yeah, I was a quiet child because I didn't want to speak, I was afraid of my very own family and when I was religious, afraid for my own soul.  I was afraid of everyone and myself and I hated myself. 

 I wanted to change, but I couldn't.  I didn't want to be different.  I didn't ask to be this way, I just was and am. Do you know what it's like to be kicked out of your home when you're still in school?  I'm not talking about college, i'm referring to junior high and high school ages.  I was 15 when I was kicked out of my parent's house because I was insinuated as being gay by one of my cousins who told his mom (one of my aunts) who told my mother who had my father confront me about it, punch me in the face, gave me a black eye.  I was then grabbed by the backside of my neck, dragged out of the house and shoved out.  Told that if I set foot back I'd be killed.

I've been on my own since I was 15.  I kept up with school because honestly, free lunch program meant free food.  Summer vacations kinda sucked and I won't get into tell you how many people I've slept around with (while being underage mind you) just to have a bed to sleep in at night and for a few bucks spending cash.

Can you imagine your own child as a young teenager, still in school and having to whore themselves out for money, food and a place to sleep?  I would assume that it'd be a parent's worse nightmare to know their child has no roof over their head, nowhere to stay and having sex with random strangers for money because they need to.

So you really want to know what kind of damage religion in general has on families?  It wasn't me being gay that brought so much hurt upon my earlier years, it was religion itself.  I would've been glad to have not been raised to hate myself and fear for my life from my family and friends.  I would've been more than happy to have had an easier time in high school and not have had to drop out of high school to find a job and finally start getting on my feet for a change. 

 I would've loved to have had a supportive family that would've accepted me for who I am.
I can't write anymore on this, sorry guys.  Included are some images I took of some of the scarring I have.  Triangle on the left hand, stab wound to the face and a bullet wound in the abdomen and will leave you with that.

Insanity Knows No Limits

This is an actual screen shot from Google + from a fundamentalist, I think it speaks for itself:

If you want to read the originial post instead of a screen shot, here it is.

It gets better, he calls a person who says he's going to report him a "pedophile" 

Fundamentalist Ministry Website Compares People Leaving Their Churches To Sewage

I thought I had heard it all when it came to fundamentalists hating on people who leave their closed minded organizations, but no, this one tops the list.

I have heard/seen fundamentalists lash out at former fundamentalists in many different ways, saying that they were never "true Christians" to begin with, attacking their character (because, you know, anyone who isn't living according to our horrible ideas must be a vile, awful "sinner").

They will dismiss them by calling them "bitter" in a very patronizing tone, as though you are a child who is sour over your family not buying the toy you wanted for Christmas, and even go as far as to deny the sexual abuse that some people suffered, and call the victims "opportunists" who are out for money in a lawsuit.

They will lash out at former fundamentalists in many different ways, but I never heard a fundamentalist pastor or group out rightly call former fundamentalist excrement. Call it what you want, excrement, poop, even shit, but it is very clear what a group/blog that calls itself Ministry Best Practices means when it says this about people leaving their churches:

"On one hand it can be a healthy thing. Perry Noble say that because the church is a body, and every good body has a back door (I think you know what I mean here!) - it is important for the church not to be constipated. It can be healthy for a people to leave a church. If they are not aligned to the vision or if they are being contentious, then we should allow them to leave."

That is exactly what they intended to say, to compare people who leave churches that agree with their fundamentalist beliefs. Notice the last line:

"If they are not aligned to the vision or if they are being contentious, then we should allow them to leave."

Let me translate from fundie speak here, it should read:

"If they don't agree with the pastor or the leadership of the church in any way, shape or form, whether that  be in church doctrine (beliefs), or in how their church should be run, then they should be forced out of the church" 

That is what they truly mean, I never thought I would see the day when a fundamentalist group would just come out and compare people who disagree with them (whether it be more liberal Christians, or former Christians) to excrement, but they are being honest here, and I think they speak for many groups out there, but most of those groups wouldn't have the nerve to come out and say it.

Big hat tip to Joe Sands of Incongruous Circumspection for bringing this to my attention in a blog post of his, and for calling this group out on their blog.

Does Morality Come From Religion, Or Are We Born With a Sense of Morality?

I ran across this study, publicized on the CBS news show 60 Minutes tonight about morality. It poses the question of whether or not infants have a sense of morality, or can even comprehend in any what morality is.

In the study, infants watched a puppet show with actions being performed by a "nice" or "mean" puppet, and then find out which puppet the baby then prefers. Three quarters of the time, the baby reaches for (or stares for a prolonged time if if they can't reach well yet), the "nice" puppet. Infants as young as three years old clearly show a preference.

It begs the question then as the blog Debunking Christianity, which brought the study, and the 60 Minutes segment to my attention says: Does morality come from God, or are we born this way?

There are many people in this world, that feel that morality can only come from religion, but many of the better rules for living such as the Golden Rule, are found in many different religions and cultures.


How is it that people from different religions and cultures, that had little contact with each other came up with extremely similar rules?   It's because it is common sense. We know that harming others is wrong, with or without a religion or holy text to tell us this, or without threat of eternal punishment/reward.

As Einstein once said about religion, "If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.". 

I think morality came before religion, religion is both an attempt to put morality into a formal code/system, and it was also a way to explain the natural world, which people knew little about when religion first came about. For instance, the ancient Greeks did not know what caused lightening, so they explained it by saying that it was a result of Zeus hurling down thunderbolts from Mount Olympus when he was angry.

It is no coincidence that if you look at many of the more powerful and well known ancient cultures, that the chief gods in their hierarchy was a god that had control over some aspect over nature (a sun god, a fertility god that held power over fertility of both crops and of reproduction). People have for many centuries longed for control over the uncontrollable (maybe if I pray to this god enough, this will happen). It gives a sense of comfort, lead us to think that we have more power and control over the world and circumstances than what we do. 

For many in our modern culture, the thought that one can escape the suffering of this world for a better place in the afterlife, and that those who cause that suffering will be punished is comforting to them, because it makes them feel that there is a sense of justice in this world, and that our choices can affect our destiny in the afterlife.

Those were the reasons for the origins of religion, and though misguided, you could say that they were understandable, and in some cases noble intentions. The problems in religion started when people started noticing how devoted adherents were to their religion, and decided to take advantage of that. A marriage made in hell (no pun intended) resulted between governments and religion. Religious leaders and government leaders became one and the same in many instances, or the government leaders were nothing more than puppets of the religious leaders.

This was the beginning of much of the suffering in this world, the formation of what I prefer to call fundamentalism. The leaders of nations and cultures started exploiting the masses and using faith as an excuse to control, abuse, and even kill people. "Common enemies" were created out of people around them to unify them to fight (and also to unify them behind their leaders).

 Wars even up to today point directly at this. The present day Israel-Palestine conflict, though it may not appear to be about religion on the surface, actually is all about religion. Both sides want the same land,  because historically it has belonged to both sides, but more importantly, there are holy sites from both religions there in Jerusalem, whoever controls that area has possession of the holy sites. There is a reason Israel is often called the "Holy Land". Both feel that because of their faith, they right a right to control the
area.

Fundamentalism leads to people feeling that anyone who isn't "one of us" is evil, it leads to people shutting themselves out of the world around them, and it leads to hate of other people. The isolation, combined with a culture of too much reverence and unquestioned loyalty to leaders sets up a situation where horrific abuse can occur, in the US, no better group shows this mentality than the Independent Fundamental Baptists, which I blog about often.

Morality is something we are born with, morality formed religion, not vice versa as fundamentalists claim, if that were true, then why is it that fundamentalism is responsible for a large portion of the suffering in this world?





(Sheldon's note, hat tip to the page, Atheist ® for posting the bumper sticker picture above on Google +)

Exposing the IFB: The Horrors of Hephzibah House

(Authors note: This is part of a continuing series of the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) movement, a group considered by it's former members and critics to be a cult (which is a label I feel is not undeserved). For more posts on this dangerous group, visit my page, Exposing the IFB. If you have a history of childhood abuse, proceed with caution when reading this post, it goes into explicit detail of some rather horrific abuse of minors.)

In 1971, a pastor and his wife named Ron and Patti Williams founded a homeless shelter for women in the town of Winona Lake, Indiana called Hephzibah House. Some of the residents were simply homeless, others were addicts. Ron Williams had gotten involved in social work due to his previous job with the US Public Health Service, and was familiar with the lives of addicts. Though this kind of charity may sound like a great place, Ron William's violent side started showing not long after.

During the days when Hephzibah House was still a shelter for adult women, as compared to the shelter for teen girls sent their by their families who were members of the IFB movement for "rebellion", there was still abuse going on. Women who violated the shelters rules were regularly beaten. This quote is from the site, Former Hezipbah Girls:

"In the early days, Hephzibah House (HH) took in adult women who were either homeless or had alcohol or drug addictions.  Ron had previously worked for the Health Department dealing with women with these same issues.  During this time, the women living at HH had often come there voluntarily.  In the article "Discipleship and Discipline at Hephzibah House", former Times Union staff writer Gina Smalley gives us the following information.  
Fomer residents also talk of the punishment. A 37 year old Warsaw woman who lived at the house briefly when she was 25, said she was given "eight whacks" by Williams on the buttocks for talking after a 10 p.m. curfew. The woman said her flesh was bleeding after the paddling and that she still has back pain. "I'll never forget it," she said."

That's right, a 25 year old women being beaten so severely, the injuries still affect her.

After Hephzibah House became a home for "wayward girls" in the late 1970's, it only became worse. The house stopped taking adult women in, and started only accepting girls from 12 to 18 years old (though some of the adult women stayed on as staff members). The abuse described by some of it's former residents sounds like something out of a POW camp.

Here's a few examples, the following are quote from the Former Hephzibah Girls site

The "Blue Room"

Beatings would literally take place every night at bed time:

" Once the girls were in bed for the night, it became a waiting game, as each girl waited for her name to be called, indicating her turn to be taken down to the Blue Room.  Each girl knew what was being done to the girl who was called down.  They knew from having experienced it themselves.  They also knew what was happening because they could hear the cries coming from the girl who was being beaten.  These girls were beaten to the point of having bloody, oozing wounds on their backsides (buttocks, legs, and backs).  These bloody wounds often had to be bandaged.  The proof of these bloody wounds was evident in the trash cans, as girls would see the dressings from another girl's wounds.  Several former students have recounted the story of one particular girl who got up from her folding chair to see that she had bled completely through her bandages and through her uniform onto the chair.  This girl was one of the few who was able to successfully run away from Hephzibah House."

Ten foot tall fence built to keep the girls from running, and guards to keep constant watch:

"Around 1984, the Hephzibah girls were moved to the new facility at 2277 East Pierceton Road, Warsaw, Indiana.  This new location was set up as part of a compound, which included a church, school, and staff houses.  Ron Williams and his family lived above the facility which housed the girls.  The backyard at this facility was completely fenced in to keep the girls contained.  In approximately 1989, a 2 foot extension was added to the top of the already 8 foot high fence.  This was done after another girl tried to run away.  In addition, when the girls were taken to school or church, the entire walk there was within the fenced in area.  There were also male staff members who "guarded" the gates and doorways when the girls were going from one building to another.  Girls were often taken away from schoolwork and homework to help out with building or cleaning projects." 

Staff would actually flee with the girls in the middle of the night sometimes to avoid legal prosecution or attention from local authorities: 

"There have been several instances when Ron Williams and staff have had to take the girls and flee.  They have literally loaded up the girls and taken them to neighboring states to hide in churches until things have calmed down.  At times the number of students at HH dipped very low as a result of investigations or allegations.  The number of students always rebounded though, as nothing ever happened to Ron or staff."

Humiliation and severe psychological abuse, including girls being denied basic activities like going to the bathroom:

"In addition to the physical beatings, there are many other instances of outright abuse that are far worse than that.  The humiliation, the forced vaginal exams, forced enemas, lack of any privacy even for time to use the bathroom.  The girls were oftentimes starved as a form of punishment, they were made to do extra work duties, write sentences, or be shadowed.  Shadowing was a very embarrassing punishment doled out by the staff ladies.  Once on shadow, a girl could not so much as look at any other girl.  She was to be a literal "shadow" of her assigned staff lady.  She could not speak, look at anyone, or participate in any type of activity.  She was to sit on the ground facing the wall at all times.  There were several girls who were on shadow for months on end, with absolutely no interaction whatsoever with the other girls.  "

"Girls were kept from using the bathroom, and then singled out and forced to wear diapers.  Girls were humiliated at every opportunity.  Whores, sluts, rebellious...these were all words that were thrown around as descriptions of why we were there in the first place.   On drugs, living in the streets, pregnant, or dead...this is what we were told would happen to us if we left Hephzibah House.  It was a daily battle that messed with our minds and has left long lasting scars.  The affects of this type of emotional and physical trauma carry on for years and years "

Believe it or not, there's more to the details of the abuse that went in  Hephzibah House, which is denied by Ron Williams, and bloggers within the world of the Independent Fundamental Baptist movement, despite many former residents coming forward with similar stories, read more in part 2, to be released Sunday night.

Until then, read more about the IFB movement, and it's cult like culture, and history of abuse of children from posts that I have written based on countless hours of research, and from the blogs of IFB survivors, who are passionately working to expose this dangerous group. Without some of those bloggers, this series would not be possible, I'm grateful to them for their work.

Later edit: (part 2 can be read right here).