Experiencing All the Different Varieties of Christianity: Jeri's Story

Sheldon's note:  This post is a guest post from blogger Jeri of Heresy in the Heartland. Jeri is an ex-fundamentalist who left the organization of Independent Fundamental Baptist cult leader Bill Gothard when she was 23 years old. I highly recommend that you read her 6 part series on that transition, start reading about it here. 

By age 23 I had made a full circuit of the American Christianity buffet table and if I hadn’t tasted everything, I had at least gotten near enough to smell it.

I was dedicated to the Protestant God by my parents and a Pastor Dibble at a Christian & Missionary Alliance church in a college town in Pennsylvania. My parents, raised Lutheran from infancy, had been rebaptized there (by immersion). They were enthusiastic about Bible study and campus evangelism.

When we moved to another state, we attended a charismatic non-denominational church where people prayed out loud, prophesied in tongues, and danced or raised their hands in worship. I associate that church with guitars, a board of elders instead of a pastor, and lyrics displayed with overhead projectors. Tithes and offerings were collected in inconspicuous boxes with mail slots against the back wall of the auditorium. 

My dad baptized me in the Great Lakes in a small ceremony with one other family. We sang “Our God Reigns”, my friend’s mom wrapped me in my bath towel with the elephant on it, and I was excited because now Mom and Dad would let me share communion. Elders would stand in the aisles at church holding bottles of grape juice, ready to refill the the common cup as it passed down the rows. The cubes of homemade unleavened bread were fragrant with coriander and star thistle honey. I always tried to nonchalantly pick the biggest piece when the plate made its way to me.

My parents came to object to sensuality in the church. The church “orchestra” became more of a band, and this made my parents uncomfortable. They were more concerned about several of their friends’ marriages falling apart and about two divorcees from the church marrying each other. This upset my mom so much that we left that church and started attending a Friends meeting. 

This particular group of Friends was unique in that they did occasionally celebrate Communion, with grape juice and fluffy white bread. Everyone tore off a piece as the loaf was passed down the row. The congregation was small and the old wooden meetinghouse drafty, so they set up chairs in the basement for services through the winter. 

The pastor was young, with a wife and baby boy.  Through every sermon he would remove his glasses, set them on the lectern, put them back on, take them off, and so on. There was no band, no overhead projector. In the middle of the service, everyone sat down, even the pastor, for fifteen minutes of “quiet time”. 

Dad took us all to midweek hymn sings and prayer meetings at the parsonage, where I learned to follow along from a hymnal. I recall a boring video series called “Ordering Your Private World” by Gordon MacDonald, former chairman of the board of World Vision. About the time we were watching MacDonald on a TV screen, he was resigning as president of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship after admitting to an adulterous affair. But the Internet had not yet been born, so we knew nothing of MacDonald’s private world.

Another video presentation was more memorable. It warned of the AIDS crisis: the American population was forecast to be decimated in ten years’ time, or was it twenty? I didn’t really know what they were talking about, only that public restrooms could expose me to a deadly virus. The video had a lot to say about “homosexuality”. Dad leaned over from his folding metal chair next to me in the dim room and whispered into my ear, “That’s when a man sticks his penis into another man’s bottom”. My eyes must have widened, but there was nothing to say.

I was twelve or thirteen the Easter that some of the church ladies decided it would be cute to have a children’s choir. They taught us a Michael Card song (that included the line: “You can choose what not to believe in…”). There were perhaps eight of us on the stage. Standing there in the new skirt and blouse Mom and I had sewn for the occasion, I was painfully aware of being the oldest. 

When the congregation withdrew from the Quaker denomination, I joined the adults in voting for a new church name and was pleased when my favorite won out. “Cornerstone” soon voted to align themselves with the Evangelical Free denomination. We parted ways with them at that point, because the “E. Free” allowed divorced men to be pastors and my mother’s interpretation of the New Testament did not permit such low standards.

Blogging Fatigue and Some Writers Worth Reading

I haven't written new posts for the blog as often as I would like to. I haven't gotten around to writing, because I simply haven't had anything to say. Blogging is getting kind of tiring, and old.

 I've haven't had new topics to discuss in depth, and even when I do, I haven't had the time to go into them as deeply as I would like to. I'm kind of a perfectionist in that way, I want a post to be the best writing that I can do, and if I don't feel I can do that, then it kills all the motivation to write.

For instance, I've had a guest post that I need to finish for the blog for the site Homeschoolers Anonymous, it's a great site, they have already re published  a post I wrote several months ago for the blog Reason Being, and the creator of the site said that he thought it would be a great idea for me to write an original guest post for them.

I've been working on that post for several weeks now, and I've got writers block. I think in many ways it's important for former fundamentalists like me to share our stories with the world, but it gets tiring. Rehashing the past, bringing up all those old memories again, and then struggling to find a way to keep the writing fresh, and to keep from repeating the same thing over and over. However, at the same time, that's what people want to hear about the most often, my story, my past. Such is the paradox of being a former fundamentalist blogger.

Oh well, I should quit complaining..... Though I haven't been able to write recently, there's a few items of note in the blogging/commentary world that I want to share with everyone in the meantime.

Turkish sociologist thinks there's a link between atheism and autism, and that's not a good thing to him:

From My Secret Atheist Blog, written by my good blogging friend, Godless Poutine. (Read full story here):

A Turkish sociologist, Fehmi Kaya (pictured at left), sincerely believes that that autism and atheism are one and the same, and that autistic children "lack a section for faith in their brains"

A few quotes from the post by Godless Poutine that I really love in response to this, he has a son with autism, and has personally experienced some of the more bizarre beliefs regarding autism and "cures" for it that have been floating around both in the outside culture, and within the autism community in Canada:

This, naturally, caused a great deal of outrage among autism associations around Turkey. Now, I find it outrageous because there appears to be no credible scientific study to back it up.  And if it is true that people with autism are statistically more likely to be atheists, then what's the problem?  In this sense they likely see the world more clearly than many neurotypical people who's brains seem to fall prey to superstitious mumbo jumbo. 

But I suspect many people in Turkey (and pretty much everywhere outside of Sweden) find it downright threatening.  Because being identified as an atheist there is unlikely to help anyone who already has the sufficiently burdensome challenges of being on the spectrum or caring for someone who is autistic.  It's more than likely going to compound any problems you would already have navigating the healthcare system trying to find plausible treatments.

 If people in a highly religious nation like Turkey start thinking of autistics as atheists, that's just going to make discrimination and misunderstanding more prevalent, since atheists  aren't viewed in a highly positive light in predominantly Muslim nation.

A Gay Teen in the IFB: Jonathan Nichol's Story

I recently ran across a great story of a man who was a gay teen in the Independent Fundamental Baptist  (IFB) cult. His family was IFB through and through, he attended a high school ran by one of their churches, he was well on his way to attending Bob Jones University, one of their flagship colleges, life seemed all good and well.

That is, until he gave up being in denial about being a gay teen, started a relationship with a Bob Jones student, and was outed by a friend to his pastor and family.

His hopes of going to Bob Jones went up in smoke, and he had to leave his family behind. He has made a nice life for himself though, he is now active in the former IFB community online, and has started over in life, ironically enough, settling down in Greenville, South Carolina, only 5 miles from Bob Jones University. He sounds like a great guy,  I wish him all the best in life, and I'm glad that he has been able to get a fresh start in life.

If you want to read his story, check it out on the site bjunity.org, it's a support site for LGBT people who are currently in fundamentalism, or have already left. Read both part 1 and part 2 of his story, it's a great read.

Hat tip to Bruce Gerencser for this link.

A Comment on My Blog That Makes Me Want to Vomit

Lately, I've had to apply moderation for comments here on my blog, making sure that all comments are reviewed by me first before they are posted. I had to do this because of some determined spammers who were unfortunately getting through, and posting comments, despite the CAPTCHA's that everyone has to enter before posting a comment (I have no idea how they were doing this, unless they were actual people instead of bots).

Well, as it turns out, I have have another reason to keep the comment moderation going: Angry, bitter fundies. There was an anonymous person who wanted to speak their mind on a post about Hephzipbah House, a home for teen girls ran by a minister and his wife. There have been accounts coming out from women who were residents there in the 80's and 90's, sent there by their fundamentalist parents (mostly IFB families, who thought they were "too rebellious", I've shown you on this blog who vicious the IFB can be to women and children), of horrendous physical torture and outrageous psychological abuse.

I considered deleting the comment, but I decided against it for two reasons. One, I would feel like a hypocrite, I'm very libertarian, and not very fond of censorship, and two, I want to show just how vile and disgusting the IFB and their defenders are, here it is, for all to see:

IFB Pastor to 17 Year Old Sexual Abuse Victim: Jesus Wants Us to Get Married

New details have just come out from the federal court about to sentence former Independent Fundamental Baptist pastor Jack Schaap on charges of sexually abusing a 17 year old follower. The court has released letters written by Jack Schaap to his victim.

He told her that their "relationship" was approved by Jesus, among other things, according to the Chicago Sun Times.

Here's a few quotes from the article:

Former First Baptist Church of Hammond pastor Jack Schaap’s affair with a 17-year-old girl last summer not only wasn’t wrong but was desired by Jesus Christ.

That’s what he claimed in one of several letters he wrote to the victim during his crime, couching the sexual relationship as part of her personal salvation and something Jesus Christ wanted. 

“In our ‘fantasy talk,’ you have affectionately spoken of being ‘my wife,’ ” Schaap wrote in one letter. “That is exactly what Christ desires for us. He wants to marry us + become eternal lovers!”

Q&A with Lana of My Musing Corner

I had the opportunity this week to interview Lana of the blog My Musing Corner. Lana is a blogger, a cult survivor who left the Bill Gothard branch of the Independent Fundamental Baptist organization, and a missionary in Southeast Asia.

I asked her about her childhood, and about her experiences and life now as a missionary.

1. First of all, can you explain to my readers who Bill Gothard is and his beliefs? Some readers may not be familiar with him.

Bill Gothard is an evangelical leader in the  fundamental Christian homeschool community. He teaches that couples should not use birth control and have many children. He also teaches what he calls the “umbrella of authority” where women and children must submit to their father/husband, and girls must wear only dresses and not cut their hair. He teaches that rock music is evil because it came from pagan Africa. For this reason, the only type of music allowed in the home was classical music.

Everything is about outward appearance. A big emphasis in his teaching is character, such as first time obedience and cheerfulness. Gothard also teaches that we should carry out Old Testament laws, including no pork, and the Old Testament’s rules about when a couple cannot have sex (during a woman’s period, 40 days after giving birth to a son and 80 days after giving birth to a daughter). 

2.  You have talked about on your blog about when your family first joined ATI when you were 6 years old. What attracted your family to Bill Gothard’s teachings? Were your parents Christians before they joined? If so, what denominations/groups were they a part of before? 

My parents both grew up Southern Baptist. Bill Gothard has a seminar called the Institute of Basic Life Principles. This seminar is for any conservative families, not just people apart of ATI. My parents never intended to get involved in the legalism; they attended the seminar because it promised to give them tools on how to raise a godly family and taught anger management. We showed up to our first seminar in pants, and my parents had to go buy us dresses the next day.  Anyway, we slowly got into the legalism from there. It was not overnight. 

3. In a past post on sheltering and the way fundamentalists homeschool their children, you said that you didn't know homosexuals existed until you were 16 years old. 

What did you mean by that? Had you never even heard of homosexuality until that time, or had you simply never met a gay person until you were 16? 

Exposing the IFB: Pastor Steven Anderson

Pastor Steven Anderson of Faithful Word Baptist Church in Phoenix is no stranger to controversy or militant rhetoric.

He is a pastor in the loosely organized Indepdent Fundamental Baptist network, and his teachings and public statements are the most extreme and bizarre I have ever seen from any leader in the IFB cult.

In 2009 he said that he prays for the death of President Obama:

"I hope that God strikes Barack Obama with brain cancer so he can die like Ted Kennedy and I hope it happens today,"

He is militantly homophobic, saying that not only should homosexuality be illegal, but that gays should be executed, and that gays supposedly "recruit" children into homosexuality through rampant sexual abuse:

Finally, Someone Who Understands What I Am Talking About....

Some days, something happens to me as a blogger, that makes me think that all this time and energy I put into the blog each week is really worth it.

Recently, I posted a guest post from Jonny Scaramanga, creator of the blog Leaving Fundamentalism, about the A.C.E curriculum we both grew up with.

This past week, a comment was made on that post from someone else who personally experienced this atrocious curriculum as a child/teen. Here's what she had to say. Lana is a blogger (author of My Musing Corner), and a cult survivor, her parents were followers of the Bill Gothard/ATI branch of the Independent Fundamental Baptist organization.

Read the full comment here, she talks about where ACE fails in 28 different ways, it's a great read, you can read the comment in it's entirety on the post, or I've made it into a document on Google Drive, for ease of reading,  you can read it in that format here.

The Google document is accessible to anyone, no Google log in required. I'm only including some of the objections from her 28 point list here in this post, because the list, plus my comments would make for what could be the longest post I've ever published on the blog:


1. "You leave out one word of a Bible verse, and its five points off a test. "

She's right about points docked off of tests for failing to remember a Bible verse. In each book (the books are known as "PACE's"), there's a verse that they tell you to learn, and try to help you remember it with various exercises throughout the book, such as segments where the verse is given to you with words missing, and you must fill in the blanks. 

I don't know how it went in her home schooling family, but in the A.C.E school I was in until the 5th grade, the teacher would dock points for misspellings, no matter how minor, my mom was more flexible about that.

10. "The dinosaur and evolution comments are laughable." 

Jonny's aforementioned guest post talks about one of the ridiculous claims regarding creationism vs. evolution. ACE claims that a creature pulled from the ocean in 1977 of the coast of New Zealand could be a species of dinosaur. The creature was actually an animal called a basking shark. The confusion was cleared up in 1978, yet an ACE book published in 1989 was still claiming this. 

ACE also claims that the Lock Ness monster exists and is a type of dinosaur called a plesiosaur. (I wish I was joking about this)

12. "There are racist comments in there."

Jumping On Cassettes

I found a nice surprise when I logged into my Blogger account today. Jonny Scaramanga of the popular blog Leaving Fundamentalism, published a guest post today that I sent to him several weeks ago.

His blog is a great resource for understanding the mindset of fundamentalism. He grew up in the church of world famous "Word of Faith" minister Jesse Duplantis, and even played guitar in the church's worship band.

His blog tells the story of growing up fundamentalist, and mostly focuses on the private school that he grew up in, which used the atrocious A.C.E curriculum. My guest post there is about my personal experience with the same curriculum, first in a private school that was a part of a cult called the Independent Fundamental Baptist denomination, then as a home school kid.

I know, it's more of my endless depressing drivel ;)

I had originally titled the post "Jumping on Cassettes", but apparently I forgot to include that title in my submission, that title was based off of a bizarre experience with the pastor who ran the private school where I attended from kindergarten to the 5th grade.

He titled it Putting the Fundamental In Fundamentalist   check it out on his blog, let me know what you think, and keep reading on his blog, it's a site I highly recommend.

IFB Institution Bob Jones University Forced To Sell It's Radio Station

A radio station owned by the fundamentalist Bob Jones University has shut down after being in continuous operation since 1948. It is now a talk radio station, it was sold due to financial problems at the university due to declining enrollment.

The station was used to broadcast sermons by the college's leaders, past and present, as well as chapel services. I see this as good news, seeing that Bob Jones University is a part of the cult known as the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) organization, if you wondering why I call the group a cult (especially if you are new to the blog), just check out my archive of past blog posts on the IFB, and check out the resources listed on that page for more information. Some of the facts you will find out about that group will shock you.

It goes to show that though fundamentalist groups are dangerous, their membership numbers are on the decline, and I'm celebrating that fact. The IFB needs to end as a group, and fade into history as a relic of the past, but for many who have left this group, it will be hard to leave what they experienced there in the past.

For more information on Bob Jones University itself, check out my blog post about them, and I would like to give credit to the blog Debunking Christianity for bringing this to my attention.

Congratulations To Chicago Magazine for a Great Report on the IFB

Chicago Magazine has done a great 7 page online report on the First Baptist Hammond/Hyles-Anderson complex. The article talks about Jack Hyles and the self destruction of Jack Schaap, who plead guilty to sexual abuse of a 16 year old follower of the church. The image to your left is a picture from the article, showing an old picture of the church, plus 9 men (including Schaap), connected to the church who have committed abuse.

The article details the church's long and horrific past of child abuse within it's ranks about talks about Jack Schaap's meltdown before his arrest and guilty plea, including one bizarre sermon called "Polishing the Shaft", which I wouldn't recommend anyone listen to around their boss or their children, unless they want some awkward explaining to do: 

The story also includes statements to the estranged daughter of Jack Hyles, Linda Hyles Murphey, who was disowned by her family for rejecting the beliefs of the cult in her 20's. In one chilling statement in the article, she called the church followers "zombies", and said: "He (her father, Jack Hyles) used to joke around about ‘drinking the Kool-Aid,’ but that was never funny to me because I knew that those people really would have done anything he told them to do. Anything.” 

The article also quotes documentary blogger Jeri Massey, of the site JeriWho, who is a valuable resource on abuse within the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) organization as a whole.

Read the article, it's an incredible look into the organization, it will appears in the January 2013 print edition of Chicago magazine. It always encourages me to see when media organizations report on the IFB, more people need to know about them. 

For more information on the IFB, check out my blog page dedicated to them, with my past articles, and resources. For more information on First Baptist Hammond/Hyles-Anderson, and my sister's personal experience with them, read my two part series on them.

An Open Letter To My Readers

When I started this blog, I honestly did not know what I would write about. I opened the account on Blogger in August at the recommendation of my blogging inspiration Godless Poutine, and I had no idea what I would post about, there was no one certain focus to it in the beginning. I wondered if I would shut down my blogging experiment after a few weeks, and without any readers.

I did find my main focus after a few weeks. Today, I have become well known for my posts telling the story of my fundamentalist past, both here, and on other blogs, as well as exposing dangerous cults like the IFB and Sovereign Grace Ministries.

Exposing the IFB: Micheal and Debi Pearl

I haven't spoken lately about the cult known as the Independent Fundamental Baptist denomination. A group that my sister was once a part of, and I had some exposure to first hand as a child. I attended a private school from Kindergarten to 5th grade that was part of this origination. My personal contact with this group thankfully was limited,(and I actually can't remember much of it) but there are many people, especially women and children still trapped in this abusive group.

Within the Independent Fundamental Baptist denomination are a pair of authors, a husband and wife, Micheal and Debi Pearl. Though the two may look like a happy family, the devastation the books they have written, and the affects of people who followed their atrocious advice is incredible.

Their books are considered the how to manuals for everything related to domestic life by many in the Independent Fundamental Baptist cult. Their book "To Train Up a Child" has sold over 670,000 copies, and is even available for sale on Amazon.com.



Their advice on raising children, especially on their ideas of disciplining children are abusive and cruel.
Here's just a small sample of their horrendous advice (which by the way has lead to the murder of least 4 children by their followers):

Exposing the IFB: Pastor Bill Gothard and Advanced Training Institute

(Author's note: This is a post in the continuing series, Exposing the IFB, about the Independent Fundamental Baptist denomination, a group which many of it's former members refer to as a cult. For more information about this group, including my past posts on them, and links to blogs written by survivors of this organization,  check out the Exposing the IFB page on this blog).

The reach of extremist minister Bill Gothard's influence goes quite far in the US, and around the world. Most people have never heard his name before, but he has famous followers and his organization has influence in places that you would never expect.

Some of his famous admirers include the Duggar family of "19 Kids and Counting" fame on TLC, and former Arkansas governor, 2008 Presidential candidate, and commentator Mike Huckabee.

His organizations are also reaching into surprising places in US society. Though his home school support/curriculum organization Advanced Training Institute  is only popular with like minded fundamentalists  a follower of his, Tom Hill, started a training course called Character First, that is used in public schools, workplaces and other organizations, in 28 countries. Their website claims that over 300,000 people a year go through their training every month, and the organization, when asked, tries to distance themselves from Gothard, even thought they admit that their founder and Gothard are close friends, and that most of their character principles are taken word for word from the Institute from Basic Life Principles, a Gothard organization  and that Tom Hill served on the board of IBLP.

Here's why an organization like Character First, which has gotten into some US public schools, might try to distance themselves from a minister like Bill Gothard:

Their practice and promotion of the abusive "Christian Patriarchy" culture:

They don't make any attempt to hide it, Bill Gothard's Vision Forum website, his group for promoting his ideas on marriage and family plainly spells it out. Here's actual quotes from the website:

Their views on children:

". Both sons and daughters are under the command of their fathers as long as they are under his roof or otherwise the recipients of his provision and protection. Fathers release sons from their jurisdiction to undertake a vocation, prepare a home, and take a wife. Until she is given in marriage, a daughter continues under her father’s authority and protection. Even after leaving their father’s house, children should honor their parents by seeking their counsel and blessing throughout their lives."

(As I have said before about the IFB culture, especially part of my post on First Baptist Hammond,churches in the IFB don't truly consider someone to be an adult until marriage, especially the women).

Their views on women:

 "While unmarried women may have more flexibility in applying the principle that women were created for a domestic calling, it is not the ordinary and fitting role of women to work alongside men as their functional equals in public spheres of dominion (industry, commerce, civil government, the military, etc.). The exceptional circumstance (singleness) ought not redefine the ordinary, God-ordained social roles of men and women as created."

 "Male leadership in the home carries over into the church: only men are permitted to hold the ruling office in the church. A God-honoring society will likewise prefer male leadership in civil and other spheres as an application of and support for God’s order in the formative institutions of family and church."

If you want to know how people raised under this kind of system turn out, check out this woman's story. Though she wasn't raised in a family that followed Gothard, her family was in the Christian patriarchy system.

Bigoted/ignorant views on mental illness:

He actually believes that mental illnesses, including schizophrenia are caused by personal irresponsibility, and also guilt. This kind of ignorance unfortunately is rather common in fundamentalism. As I talk about in my guest post series on My Secret Atheist Blog, I was told by my family that my depression and OCD was merely "guilt". I had a pastor who thought that anxiety was a "sin", because it was a sign that someone didn't trust god enough.

Many times, I would hear people with depression say that they needed to let go, and trust god, or claims that their symptoms got better when they started focusing on helping others, as if depression is nothing more than rampant narcissism. This wasn't even during my time in the IFB as a child, this was in a Southern Baptist church. To hear such ignorance now makes me angry, how many people are out there suffering because they actually believe this? How many have even ended their lives, because an ignorant minister convinced them that their mental illness, caused by chemical imbalance, is their fault?

Bizarre beliefs on circumcision: 

Bill Gothard is pro-circumcision and believes that opposition to it is an attack on morality:

"However, the Institute of Basic Life Principles (IBLP) printed materials still draw a moral line in the sand for believers, stating that “The attack against circumcision in the United States coincided with the revolt against authority and morality in the 1960’s” and that “the term uncircumcised is synonymous with immoral men.”

"These materials also conclude that “uncircumcised men have been more promiscuous than circumcised men,” and that even today there is a strong link between circumcision and moral purity.A suggested ceremony, and a certificate suitable for framing, are included in the materials." 

Affiliation with the "Quiverfull" movement:

From the Vision Forum page defending Christian patriarchy:

"God’s command to “be fruitful and multiply” still applies to married couples, and He “seeks godly offspring.” He is sovereign over the opening and closing of the womb. Children are a gift of God and it is a blessing to have many of them, if He so ordains."

This is why the Duggar family, followers of Bill Gothard, have so many children (20 as of right now), especially since him and other pastors in what has become known  as the Quiverfull movement reject all forms of birth control:

"The failure of believers to reject the anti-life mindset of the age has resulted in the murder of possibly millions of unborn babies through the use of abortifacient birth control."

Like many fundamentalists, Bill Gothard believes that birth control is merely a form of abortion, since they think that it leads to the female body rejecting a fertilized egg. Actually, a woman's body is less likely to reject a fertilized egg when she is on birth control, as compared to without.

Accusations of sexual harassment by Bill Gothard and a "blame the victim" culture by his followers toward abuse victims:

The creator of the Bill Gothard survivor's site Recovering Grace tells her story of being sexually harassed as a teen by none other than Bill Gothard himself. From her essay Exploited Innocence:

"Gothard touched the other girl and me regularly and with increasing frequency. At first he merely offered a hand to help us in or out of the van, and laid his other hand on our backs as we entered or exited. If there was bench seating, his thigh was closely pressed against mine or the other girl’s. He would take and hold my or her hand as we walked to and from buildings. Without asking or announcing, he stroked my hair. "

"He took his shoes off and suggested that the group in the back of the van do the same. I thought he was just being casual until he started playing “footsy” with me in front of the others. . I could not figure out how to avoid it without making a scene."

Worse yet, in her post, Choosing Both Forgiveness and Prosecution, she talks about her family's reaction to finding out that her 18 year old brother had been molesting her:

"My mother did not become aware of the abuse until I was ten years old. She immediately put an end to it, but blamed me for it in the process, demanding with overtones of disgust that I spend the rest of the day in my room, and that while I was there, I was to “BEG God to forgive [me] for what [I had] done!”"

No one ever told me that the hopeless feelings of hurt and betrayal, shame and worthlessness that plagued me relentlessly were anything other than a deserved reward for my actions, in having allowed these things to happen to me by not telling someone of them immediately, the very first time anything had happened. This was a “principle” my parents had learned in their many attendances of Bill Gothard’s seminars… that the guilt of an attack falls to the young lady who does not “cry out” when assailed. I had failed to cry out.  

Her family blamed her for the sexual abuse, because of years of listening to Bill Gothard's teachings.
His views sound much like the views of Ron Williams, IFB pastor and operator of the torture camp for teen girls called Hephzibah House, read part 1 and part 2 of that two part series, but if you have a history of childhood abuse, proceed with caution.

I have wondered why it is that a group as large as the IFB hasn't been exposed more than it has, how could all this publicly available information be out there, and yet most people have never even heard about them?

I'm doing what I can to inform people, but I want you to help. Click on the share buttons below for social media, the more people know about this group, the better, it's time they be confronted by the masses about their behavior.

Florida Church Bans Children From Sunday Services So That Sex Offender Minister Can Still Preach

Credit to the Google + page Godless for pointing this out.

According to the Florida newspaper, the Sun-Sentinel, a congregation called the Christ Tabernacle Missionary Baptist Church in Jacksonville, Florida has actually banned people under 18 from attending their Sunday morning services because if they did allow it, their minister, a convicted sex offender, would not be allowed to preach, since he would then be a sex offender in regular proximity to minors.

His last conviction was only 3 years ago at another church he pastored, yet this congregation hired him anyway, and is willing to go to such extremes to keep him as pastor.His conviction was for fondling 3 young girls, but he only received 3 years probation for that conviction.

 This pastor, Darrell Gilyard,  has a long history of sexual misconduct going all the back to 1987 according to the site Stop Baptist Predators, read that article, his history is quite shocking, and hundreds of pages inappropriate text messages between him and underage people were documented, and recorded. If all the allegations against him are true, he could have up to 44 victims in several different states.

 It gets even worse, he has admitted to some of his crimes, according the Jacksonville Times Union, he admitted to having a child by a woman he raped in a 2004 counseling session.

I thought I had heard everything when it came to churches coddling sex offenders, and those who turn a blind eye to them, in my research into the Independent Fundamental Baptist movement, but this shocked even me.

How disgusting that a church would do this. Why is it that religious groups and religiously based organizations like the Catholic church, the IFB movement, the Boy Scouts, and many more, have not only such a terrible record when it comes to pedophilia within their ranks, but also have a habit of turning a blind eye to it?

Are children not important to them or not considered worth protecting?

Part 2: Hezpibah House Abuse, Plus Response From Ron Williams and The IFB

(Authors note, for part one in this two part series on Hezipbah House, click here, for more information about the IFB movement that pastor Ron Williams, its founder was a part of, check out my page, Exposing the IFB)


Ron Williams also had an extremely low view of women in general (to say the least), here's a few statements from the Christian anti-cult/anti-fundamentalism blog, Under Much Grace about his indoctrination and psychological abuse of the girls:

His views of women/girls who had been molested or raped:

"Girls who have been molested have an inherent sexual character that entices men, and Ron Williams believes that the Old Testament references to the “strange woman” applies to all women who are violated sexually. They are responsible and culpable for enticing good men to sexually abuse them – the first cause in the sin. Once they are violated and their purity gone, they have very limited opportunities for service, and they become something less than the rest of the human race. Ron Williams treated them that way and programmed these young women at Hephzibah House to believe that they were the dregs of humanity, deserving of abuse."

"Williams showed great disdain for these young women. He openly told the girls in residence at HH that when the book of James talked about man's works done without faith as filthy rags, this was also a reference to God's great disdain for soiled menstrual rags. According to Williams, there was nothing more disgusting to God than a woman's menstrual cycle. Women who were holy and acceptable to God were supposed to marry young and spend most of their years without menstrual periods through pregnancy and nursing to suppress the menstrual cycle so that God would find them of value"

That's right, he believed that if a woman had been raped either as an adult or child, or molested, that it was a character defect that caused it. Though many in the IFB movement may not say this publicly, I believe that this is their belief as well, seeing as how they view women in such a negative light, almost as property, not as human beings. Women are not allowed to work outside the home once married (exceptions are for family run businesses, and ministry in the church), and birth control is not an option.

This view within the IFB that female victims of sexual abuse deserve what happened to them is best reflected in the actions of New Hampshire IFB pastor Chuck Phelps. He forced a 16 year old church member to apologize for being raped by a church deacon, then shuffled her off to Colorado to quietly have the baby that was the product of the rape. Instead of being rejected by the IFB for this atrocity, he was hired onto the board of Bob Jones University, an IFB college.



Starvation was also common at the house, as well as the girls sometimes being forced to eat dog food:

"Williams tended his flock of throw away girls which brought in a great deal of wealth for him. He received donations of food which he kept for his family and fed girls soup made of dog food. The girls were required to inventory and dust the stored food while they dropped in weight, having to hold themselves up by their hands so that they wouldn't fall into the commode. Churches sent their money to Williams to care for these girls. Women who volunteered at the home who were not “Strange Women” were not treated much better than the girls themselves and did what they could to survive the conditions there."

Forced labor was also used, with no regard as to the health or safety of the girls:

Here's one account, from the survivor blog Hephizbah Girls (a different blog from the Former Hezpizbah Girls site I linked to earlier). This was written by a survivor named Connie, this was during a project where the girls had to till by hand, a field fertilized with human waste:

"I noticed Connie was breathing funny.  My brother had been asthmatic and I recognized the sound of a wheeze.  I asked her about it and in bits and pieces she told me how she was asthmatic and had an inhaler when she arrived at Hephzibah house.  Her inhalers had all been confiscated and she had had a couple severe attacks when she first arrived. She told me how she had been on her knees  begging and pleading for her inhaler.  She  described her fear and panic as she struggled for each breathe,  each inhalation clamping her lungs down tighter and tighter.  Certain she was going to die,  she stopped fighting and held her head in her hands,  willing herself to relax.  Little by little as her jagged gasps slowed and she sucked in the precious air she became aware of the staff saying she was just being dramatic and if she had enough breath to  ask for her inhaler she did not need it.  I was speechless.  What if she had died??  What if they had waited too long?? " 

They refused to get an inhaler for a girl having an asthma attack, and denied that she was even having an attack in the first place.

Unfortunately, Hezpibah House is still operating to this day, despite the credible accusations, their website is still in operation, copyright current as of 2012, where they describe the house as a "private Christian boarding school for teenage girls". Here's a statement that takes a lot of nerve to make, after reading about the abuse they inflicted: "Hephzibah House promotes character development and a work ethic. The students are involved in daily exercises as well as times of recreation and relaxation."

They are almost trying to make it sound like a spa or elite private school for young girls, despite the details of the abuse even making it onto a CNN report. Ron Williams, the pastor, as expected is trying to deny the allegations entirely, and he has even gotten the support of an Indiana state representative, whom he says "has suffered abuse from the local paper and on the web for supporting us". Read his full statements of denial, here and here (PDF links)

He has also found support from fellow IFB ministers and from IFB bloggers. An Ohio church even invited him to speak at an anniversary celebration, which it's no surprise that the pastor, who defends him from what he considers to be attacks from a vocal minority, is a graduate of Bob Jones University. An IFB blogger named Tim Dunkin even wrote a disgusting rebuttal to the abuse accusations made against Ron Williams and Hezpibah House.

Denial, and attack the innocent, it's the game that the IFB as a whole, throughout the denomination has been playing for years, all the while abuse of children continues, while leaders turn a blind eye to it, as in the case of A.V Bollinger, a First Baptist Hammond deacon who was honored by the church with a standing ovation for his work with bus ministry after his felony conviction for molesting young boys. The IFB has repeatedly made it clear that abuse of children and teens by clergymen is perfectly OK by them, so long as they put on all the appearances of a holy life, and agree with all the multitude of other rules that they set down for the members. 

According to the IFB, if a minister lives to their other standards, it doesn't matter if he rapes/molests, beats, tortures, starves and physiologically abuses children, it's sickening, this organization needs to exposed, today, and now. Help spread the word about this dangerous group. Share this on social media, by e-mail, whatever it takes to get the word out about the horrendous acts of this dangerous organization.

Exposing the IFB: The Horrors of Hephzibah House

(Authors note: This is part of a continuing series of the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) movement, a group considered by it's former members and critics to be a cult (which is a label I feel is not undeserved). For more posts on this dangerous group, visit my page, Exposing the IFB. If you have a history of childhood abuse, proceed with caution when reading this post, it goes into explicit detail of some rather horrific abuse of minors.)

In 1971, a pastor and his wife named Ron and Patti Williams founded a homeless shelter for women in the town of Winona Lake, Indiana called Hephzibah House. Some of the residents were simply homeless, others were addicts. Ron Williams had gotten involved in social work due to his previous job with the US Public Health Service, and was familiar with the lives of addicts. Though this kind of charity may sound like a great place, Ron William's violent side started showing not long after.

During the days when Hephzibah House was still a shelter for adult women, as compared to the shelter for teen girls sent their by their families who were members of the IFB movement for "rebellion", there was still abuse going on. Women who violated the shelters rules were regularly beaten. This quote is from the site, Former Hezipbah Girls:

"In the early days, Hephzibah House (HH) took in adult women who were either homeless or had alcohol or drug addictions.  Ron had previously worked for the Health Department dealing with women with these same issues.  During this time, the women living at HH had often come there voluntarily.  In the article "Discipleship and Discipline at Hephzibah House", former Times Union staff writer Gina Smalley gives us the following information.  
Fomer residents also talk of the punishment. A 37 year old Warsaw woman who lived at the house briefly when she was 25, said she was given "eight whacks" by Williams on the buttocks for talking after a 10 p.m. curfew. The woman said her flesh was bleeding after the paddling and that she still has back pain. "I'll never forget it," she said."

That's right, a 25 year old women being beaten so severely, the injuries still affect her.

After Hephzibah House became a home for "wayward girls" in the late 1970's, it only became worse. The house stopped taking adult women in, and started only accepting girls from 12 to 18 years old (though some of the adult women stayed on as staff members). The abuse described by some of it's former residents sounds like something out of a POW camp.

Here's a few examples, the following are quote from the Former Hephzibah Girls site

The "Blue Room"

Beatings would literally take place every night at bed time:

" Once the girls were in bed for the night, it became a waiting game, as each girl waited for her name to be called, indicating her turn to be taken down to the Blue Room.  Each girl knew what was being done to the girl who was called down.  They knew from having experienced it themselves.  They also knew what was happening because they could hear the cries coming from the girl who was being beaten.  These girls were beaten to the point of having bloody, oozing wounds on their backsides (buttocks, legs, and backs).  These bloody wounds often had to be bandaged.  The proof of these bloody wounds was evident in the trash cans, as girls would see the dressings from another girl's wounds.  Several former students have recounted the story of one particular girl who got up from her folding chair to see that she had bled completely through her bandages and through her uniform onto the chair.  This girl was one of the few who was able to successfully run away from Hephzibah House."

Ten foot tall fence built to keep the girls from running, and guards to keep constant watch:

"Around 1984, the Hephzibah girls were moved to the new facility at 2277 East Pierceton Road, Warsaw, Indiana.  This new location was set up as part of a compound, which included a church, school, and staff houses.  Ron Williams and his family lived above the facility which housed the girls.  The backyard at this facility was completely fenced in to keep the girls contained.  In approximately 1989, a 2 foot extension was added to the top of the already 8 foot high fence.  This was done after another girl tried to run away.  In addition, when the girls were taken to school or church, the entire walk there was within the fenced in area.  There were also male staff members who "guarded" the gates and doorways when the girls were going from one building to another.  Girls were often taken away from schoolwork and homework to help out with building or cleaning projects." 

Staff would actually flee with the girls in the middle of the night sometimes to avoid legal prosecution or attention from local authorities: 

"There have been several instances when Ron Williams and staff have had to take the girls and flee.  They have literally loaded up the girls and taken them to neighboring states to hide in churches until things have calmed down.  At times the number of students at HH dipped very low as a result of investigations or allegations.  The number of students always rebounded though, as nothing ever happened to Ron or staff."

Humiliation and severe psychological abuse, including girls being denied basic activities like going to the bathroom:

"In addition to the physical beatings, there are many other instances of outright abuse that are far worse than that.  The humiliation, the forced vaginal exams, forced enemas, lack of any privacy even for time to use the bathroom.  The girls were oftentimes starved as a form of punishment, they were made to do extra work duties, write sentences, or be shadowed.  Shadowing was a very embarrassing punishment doled out by the staff ladies.  Once on shadow, a girl could not so much as look at any other girl.  She was to be a literal "shadow" of her assigned staff lady.  She could not speak, look at anyone, or participate in any type of activity.  She was to sit on the ground facing the wall at all times.  There were several girls who were on shadow for months on end, with absolutely no interaction whatsoever with the other girls.  "

"Girls were kept from using the bathroom, and then singled out and forced to wear diapers.  Girls were humiliated at every opportunity.  Whores, sluts, rebellious...these were all words that were thrown around as descriptions of why we were there in the first place.   On drugs, living in the streets, pregnant, or dead...this is what we were told would happen to us if we left Hephzibah House.  It was a daily battle that messed with our minds and has left long lasting scars.  The affects of this type of emotional and physical trauma carry on for years and years "

Believe it or not, there's more to the details of the abuse that went in  Hephzibah House, which is denied by Ron Williams, and bloggers within the world of the Independent Fundamental Baptist movement, despite many former residents coming forward with similar stories, read more in part 2, to be released Sunday night.

Until then, read more about the IFB movement, and it's cult like culture, and history of abuse of children from posts that I have written based on countless hours of research, and from the blogs of IFB survivors, who are passionately working to expose this dangerous group. Without some of those bloggers, this series would not be possible, I'm grateful to them for their work.

Later edit: (part 2 can be read right here).

Why Am I Still Blogging?

I have been blogging for nearly two months now, and I have truly been humbled at the response to the blog. Never would I have imagined that I would be average about 500 readers a week (who knew that many people would want to read my rambling posts?), and as of right now, 3,124 readers total over the life of the blog. I never knew it would take on such a life of it's own. I enjoy interacting with fans of the blog on comments, and on Google +, I've had some great guest posts written for the blog along the way, and even wrote a two part guest series for the blogger that inspired me to start blogging in the first place (Godless Poutine of My Secret Atheist Blog), which was a great honor.

I've exposed some dangerous Christian extremist groups like the IFB movement, and Sovereign Grace Ministries, shared some poetry from a great poetry writer, shared some laughs with a guest post written by Andrew Hall of Laughing In Purgatory, and shocked a few people with the guest post Happy Clappers, the bizarre story of a Google + follower's childhood exposure to fundamentalism. It's been a wild ride.

Despite all the fun, I'm beginning to wonder why I am writing the blog. I'm wondering why I'm spending so much time talking about religion, why it's become such an obsession for me.In some ways, I feel like I'm doing something important, exposing the horrors inflicted on people in the name of religion.

Many people who have never heard of groups like the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) movement are downright appalled when they hear about the rampant pedophilia, (and sometimes retribution against victims and people who speak out against it, as I talk about in my post on Bob Jones University), the way they isolate themselves from the outside world (and force their young people to do the same), and their extreme beliefs and hatred including homophobia and misogyny. (Side note, see my post I Actually Don't Hate Religion as to why I use the term fundamentalist instead of Christian).

Sometimes, I feel it's necessary, and in a large part, I think my past experiences are driving this, but I have to wonder, what is my point in posting this? What am I hoping to accomplish? Why am I doing this?

I appreciate my readers, but most of them are skeptics and non-religious people, as to be expected from a blog like this. Is there anything that skeptics like us can do about the horrible acts committed by religion? The  people who really should be reading this blog aren't reading it, the fundamentalists that need to be confronted about this, and called out on their claim that you can not be a good person without believing in their religion (or at least in a god). Anyone with a skeptical mind (or has read my Exposing the IFB/Exposing Extremism series), can tell you that those who are part of fundamentalism aren't doing a very good job at being moral with a belief in god.

Many fundamentalists won't listen, though, they would rather try to explain it away, or attack the messenger, but there's a small subsection out there that though they may not respond, it will take effect eventually.

You see, there's people out there just like I was around a little over two years ago, who was teetering on the brink of unbelief, someone who didn't know if I truly believed in it all anymore, I was confused, felt guilty for doubting, and searching for answers

 It was during this time, that my faith was shaky that I started noticing just how awful the morals of people claiming to be hard core, fundamentalist believers in Christianity actually were. The people around me who were not Christians were actually more moral people, and lived out more the love others attitude that Jesus advocated. I talk about this in part 2 of my guest post for My Secret Atheist Blog, it led me to think: "If God truly is real, why isn't that reflected in the lives of the people who are supposed to be following him?" Aren't they supposed to be the moral example to the world?

If only I could reach this kind of audience, I feel like I could do more for this world, but I don't know if I am having this kind of impact at all. For every person who comments about the blog on Google + or directly on the blog, there's 40 or more people who read without commenting, how do I know who I'm reaching, and what kind of impact these posts are having?

I have also been questioning my motives in all of this. Fundamentalists often call former Christians/fundamentalists like  myself "bitter". The condescending tone they use when saying this implies a petty person who can't get over minor slights and annoyances, they almost draw a picture to the effect of a child screaming because mom won't buy them candy.

I think they get this picture from the number of "re-converts", prodigal sons/daughters who come back to fundamentalism. Many of these people claim that they only left out of "rebellion" or :"wanting to sin". This may lead them to think that those who have left, and won't come back are only using the pain of the past as an excuse to leave, so they can lose all sense of self-control. To be fair, some people to lose their sense of self control after leaving Christianity (especially young people), but it's because of an over reaction to the new found freedom they have found from the suffocating, impossible to meet standards they were raised into.

Others nearly have a nervous breakdown when they finally leave, they feel lost, their whole world was wrapped around their faith, what do they do now, especially since they came from an extremely isolating environment, and never got to experience the world before, and the outside culture. This was my experience when I left for college at 18, it was overwhelming, and led to a complete mental and physical breakdown, complete with depression, fatigue and panic attacks. This was 3 years before I even left fundamentalism, but just the exposure to the outside world that I was never allowed to experience was enough to create this reaction.

I have been questioning myself, have my past experiences actually made me "bitter"? Is this why I keep going after fundamentalism with such a fury? Is it nothing more than a personal vendetta, spite  against those who have wronged me? Should I be bitter?

Sometimes I think I'm more angry at myself than I am at people around me. After all, I'm the one who for 21 years, believed in all of it, the entire lot. Talking snakes? Yes, that's true! Noah's Ark? It actually happened! Hate anyone who doesn't look, think, act, like me and the people in my fundie circles (especially gays and people of other religions)? Yes! Try to make everyone live life according to the way I was taught by the church through the force of government? Absolutely!

How could I have been such a fool?

I know I was raised into this system literally from birth, but shouldn't I have seen the contradictions in the Bible, the damage that this belief system causes to the world, and the evil committed in it's name much sooner before I did? What does this say about me that it took so long to finally see it all?

I really don't know, maybe I'm just in a bit of a burnt out state right now......

Exposing the IFB: Bob Jones University.

(Authors note: This post is part of a continuing series on the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) movement, which many of it's critics and former members consider a cult. For previous posts on this group, and resources containing more information on the IFB movement, check out my page, Exposing the IFB.)

Bob Jones University in Greenville, South Carolina is one of the flagship institutions of the IFB movement, as it is one of the headquarters group for a major branch of the movement. I talk more about the structure of the IFB in part one of my post on First Baptist Hammond and Jack Hyles.

The complex has enough influence within IFB circles to have it's own press company which makes home school materials for one million students worldwide, and has enough influence in politics to have received a visit from George W. Bush when he was campaigning for President in 2000. Those of you who have read my previous posts on the IFB are probably shivering at the thought that a man who would become a US President visited an IFB institution. As the old American saying goes, politics makes strange bedfellows.....

Just like other IFB institutions, Bob Jones University is no stranger to scandals involving rape and pedophilia. In my post, Fundamentally Toxic Christianity, a response to a John Shore article of the same name, I briefly mention the case of New Hampshire teen, Tina Anderson, who was forced to apologize by her IFB minister for being raped by a church member. This same pastor also contrived a plan for her to go away from her home to Colorado to live with a family there, and quietly have the baby who was the product of that rape (she put the baby up for adoption, which may or may not have been her choice, that is unknown). Her pastor, Chuck Phelps, who forced her to make an apology for being raped, was hired onto the board of Bob Jones University. Chuck Phelps did resign from the board, after his acts were made known by a protest movement called Do Right BJU, made up of disgusted students and alumni brought this to light (BJU had been trying to keep this quiet), but not without some severe retribution waged against students who participated, including expelling a student organizer named Chris Peterman.

Some of the extremes they went through to try to justify his expulsion (denying that it had anything to do with his protest activities) included zeroing in on "wrongdoing" that included watching Glee and posting lyrics to a Matthew West song on facebook. BJU, like any other IFB institution, does in fact rabidly opposes both homosexuality  (the show Glee has a gay character), and any form of contemporary music, (Matthew West is a Christian contemporary singer.), but with the timing of the expulsion coming mere days before his scheduled graduation, it led many to believe that it was to make an example out of him to other students because he challenged the board over the Chuck Phelps appointment.

Also, like other IFB institutions, they continually bash other religions, and Christian groups that they see as not being true Christianity, or to use their favorite term, as personally was told by an IFB pastor when he found out as a teen that I was part of a Southern Baptist church, not "Bible believing ".
In 2000, their then president, Bob Jones III, publicly stated on their website that both the Catholic church and Mormonism were "cults that call themselves Christian". He then later stated that the university is not anti-Catholic or Mormon, but said "Our shame would be in telling people a lie, and thereby letting them go to hell without Christ because we loved their goodwill more than we loved them and their souls".  So he believes that they are not anti-Catholic or Mormon, but that Catholics and Mormons are indeed going to hell because since they don't agree with him, they are "without Christ" and going to hell. Got it....

Although they share the common bond of rejection and hatred of other religions, and other Christian groups, as well as pedophilia within their ranks and/or indifference to it, one bad habit  that BJU had that isn't shared by their IFB cousins is the continuation of blatantly racist policies well into the modern era .BJU didn't not admit black students until 1971, and until the year 2000, BJU did not allow students of different races to date or marry. This policy was in place until the aforementioned visit of George W. Bush to the campus that same year caused a firestorm of controversy after their policy become well known in the media. Bush's staff had to have known about this policy at the time of his visit, and maybe even the former President himself, but the visit went on anyway. An actual picture of the student handbook containing this policy can be found in this article by the blogger The Friendly Atheist. Contrary to what some might think, their interracial dating ban is not the norm in the IFB movement, in fact when my sister was a part of a Hyles-Anderson college, interracial dating and marriage were actually more common than what I have seen outside the IFB movement in the general US population.

Bob Jones University has apparently become a bit more open minded on race, and is becoming less political under it's new president, Stephen Jones. Under Stephen Jones' leadership, according to Wikipedia, the university made an apology for it's interracial dating ban, and Jones himself said that some statements were made by his predecessors that he would not say today (he didn't go into specifics, however). The college also refused to endorse a candidate in the 2008 election, with Stephen Jones saying "he didn't have a political bone in his body". It's really hard to tell, though if these kind of changes are just cosmetic changes done begrudgingly to try to improve their public image, or if it comes from a true change of heart. I would opt for the latter, seeing as though the Chuck Phelps debacle, and the retribution for protesting against his appointment happened only this year.

Bob Jones University, until it truly proves itself otherwise for a long time, still appears to be a dedicate IFB institution, and even though a few minor changes (mostly in the way they conduct themselves publicly) have been made, their core beliefs still haven't changed, and the Chuck Phelps board appointment and their response to criticism of it shows that they have just as horrible as many in the Independent Fundamental Baptist when it comes to protecting children, and standing up to pedophiles. They may try to look a good appearance for the outside wold, but they're still a part of the same corrupt, isolationist, controlling organization that the rest of the IFB movement is known to be to it's former members.