Undercover Agnostic (Update 9): The Bidding War that Could Change My Life

I walked out of the real estate agent's office in a state of shock Tuesday. It actually could happen. If I am declared the winning bid on Monday, the 20th, I can be several months closer to finally being able to come out as agnostic.

He put in a bid from his office on my behalf for a house that was foreclosed on though HUD. I had been through the house earlier with my family.

As one could expect for a foreclosure it's in rough shape, but most of the damage is easily fixable and primarily cosmetic (holes in drywall, etc). In 2 months or so, it could be looking nice and ready to move in. The best part of it is, that I would be able to buy it, and rebuild it without any debt.

A house owned, by me, with no debt, and a life of my own for once, and sitting here today, 5 years to the day that I came back to Southwest Illinois after my nervous breakdown, it almost seems like too much to hope for. Being able to choose the course of my own life? Being able to live life openly, and no longer having to live in the shadows as the Undercover Agnostic, attending church, and reading inserts in church bulletins from right wing extremist groups like Mosaic and Illinois Family Institute?

It all seems like too much to hope for, and yet there is so much to hope for at the same time. The course of my life right now is waiting on an announcement from a real estate agent that a anonymous clerk somewhere in a federal government office building noticed that my bid was the highest, and approved it. Unlike most auctions like this, there is no second chances to raise the bid, and no ability to know what anyone has has bid. It's very random, yet so much hinges on it.

Three more days, and I'll know if my life is going to be changed for the better.