The Final Mile

Working on rebuilding the house that I bought has felt like a marathon. I've been at it since June 20th, but now, the end is in sight. The interior is nearly finished, one room is left, and it's in progress right now, then it's moving to the exterior, it needs new siding, and work on the garage, but the family is talking about me moving in possibly next week, or two weeks from now, since the interior is nearly done (the last bedroom can probably be finished this week, and a new washer has been put into the basement this week).

As I took a shower Tuesday night there during a long 14 hour rebuilding session on the front bedroom, trying to wash off all the plaster that was all over me (yes, I said 14 hours), it finally seemed to hit me, that this is real, it’s happening, it won’t be long before I move in.

It took 2 years of working and saving up money to get to this point, and years of all out war with family to break free from that college, which I’m now convinced that mom knew full well was a scam, but kept trying to force me to go anyway, to make it impossible for me to work and save money to get out, and then barricaded me in the house when I tried to leave anyway.

Everything was thrown in my path to stop me, but I won. That can’t be taken away from me, that victory. The only problem is what it has taken to get there. I am worn out right now in so many different ways. I’m tired, mentally and physically, the Cymbalta helps some, but my energy levels are still probably about that of someone twice my age or more. Financially, I’m more than broke right now, I had a good laugh recently when I heard the Johnny Cash song "Busted", because I know the feeling right now (I’m still surprised there’s a Johnny Cash song  I haven’t heard before).

 I owe Mom and Dad right now for the building materials, right now, it is around $4,000 I owe them, and I don't know if that it going to go up a little with minor odds and ends of building supplies that have to be bought to finish the exterior.

Once I move in, it would be possible for me to get a loan from my credit union, I have the income/credit to get it, and that would keep me from being stuck in a situation where they could use the money I owe them to keep controlling me after I move out, but I’ll have to figure out from them what the payments would be , and if that would stretch my finances too thin, especially since I would want to borrow a little more than the total I owe the family, because I’ve been putting off getting a much needed new pair of glasses, and I would want to get a computer of my own to make it much easier to blog.

I don’t know what I should do, it’s stressing me right now, and I had thought of trying to ask the blog audience for help, but I wouldn’t feel right doing that. I don’t quite know how to explain why that would bother me, maybe its pride, I don’t know, but it’s something that I wouldn’t like to do.

I do know however, that one way or another, though debt can often be a normal part of life, I just don’t really need that stress right now. There are very, very, few things that I agree with the Bible about these days, but one thing it had exactly right was the saying in Proverbs that the "borrower is servant to the lender".

Granted, I would much rather be “servant” to a bank than my family, but still, I guess it seems so stressful thinking about being in debt, and having that hanging over my head, and it seems so disappointing to get so far, to buy the house without having to get a mortgage, and then going into debt over rebuilding it.

It’s all a bunch of stress, and I don’t know what to do with it.