Thursday, October 3, 2013

My Family and Mental Illness (Part 1): The Phone Call that Would Change My Life Forever

Sheldon's note: This will be a long story, and one that is very difficult for me to write, so I will be splitting it into a series. I have alluded before to my father's struggles with mental illness in past posts, but I have never gone into detail as to what his health conditions are, or how it profoundly changed my life as a teen. This series will change all that. 

This series will probably be as hard for me to write, so please, bear with me as write this. It's been over 10 years now since my father had to quit his job due to his health conditions, but beginning to write this is dredging it all up again, and my emotions feel almost as raw as when it happened.

I was 14 years old when one day, there was a call from the owner of my dad's company. I was busy working on my ACE coursework, as a hard working home school kid, the same ACE coursework that I had in the fundamentalist private school I was in until the 4th grade.

My dad worked as an industrial mechanic for a small family owned company in St. Louis for 25 years, but I still had never spoken to the owner of his company before, he refused to say why he was calling, since he knew I was only a teen at the time, and the fact that he would make this kind of call, and refuse to say what it was about meant that something wasn't right.

I was full of dread of finding out what this call was about, but I didn't know if my mom would be happy with me leaving my coursework for a moment, (she was at the house of an elderly neighbor of ours, and this neighbor could tend to talk for quite a while). After my father's boss called several times, about once every 30 minutes, to see if he could talk to my mom, I knew it couldn't wait. I walked down to the neighbor's house, and as I thought she would react, she wasn't happy at first, and was demanding to know why I had stepped out of the house.

I had told her about my father's boss repeatedly calling, and that it apparently was important, because he refused to tell me what was going on, and was insisting to talk to her only. She tried to hide her fear, and pull herself together, because just like me, she knew something wasn't right.

You see, there had been a lot of strange occurrences and patterns in his behavior leading up to this time. For about a year before this day, his normally good memory had been failing him at times, and he wasn't able to understand some things that he had been very good at figuring out. All his life, he was the problem solver, his mind could think through any problem, large or small, and he could react with ease, figuring out the best course of action, whether it was a major decision in life, or how to put something back together that had come apart.

It was a life skill that had served him well over the years, especially in his professional life, in his days as a young man in the construction industry, or at the job he had at the time as a mechanic, working on parts for buses, construction equipment, larger trucks, and even large generators (his company had even worked on generators for the massive Midwestern utility company, Ameren).

Those skills were failing, however, and his personality was rapidly changing. He was growing increasingly more frustrated with himself, and with everyone around him, when normally, he was a happy, easy going man (other then when my mother would be constantly trying to pick fights with him for no good reason, she loved drama). He would get very confused sometimes, and then several hours later, be back to his normal self again.

 His mind kept getting worse, and he kept getting more frustrated by the day, especially since he could no longer drive, since my mother insisted on him giving up his driver's license because he had been falling asleep at the wheel due to his sleep apnea (she tried to get him to quit his job, since that would be dangerous at work as well, but the only concession she could get from him was giving up driving).

She knew something was wrong, and she knew he was getting worse, but she didn't know who to turn to, and all his doctors would do is give him strong anti-depressants, which strangely enough, made his mind even worse. She was at her wit's end, and she started planning for the worst, saving up money in the bank account each month, and insisting on no unnecessary purchases for the time being. I suppose she knew that these circumstances would lead to him eventually giving up his job, and she wanted to be prepared.

She went in the house, and called back the owner of my dad's company, and he told her that my dad had walked off the job that morning, and had been gone for a while, and no one knew why he was gone. When she told me what had happened, you could just see the life drain out of her, she knew it, the day she had long been dreading, and fearing had finally come.

To be continued soon.....

(Update: part 2 has now been published.)

13 comments:

  1. Wow. I had no idea of this part of your life Sheldon. It's brave of you to share it.

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    1. Thanks, I didn't know if I should have wrote it in the first place

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  2. Whoa!

    Stay strong man, and take your time. Writing stuff like this is tough

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  3. I feel raw just reading it. Heavy stuff for a 14-year-old to process. :(

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    1. It sure was, especially the way my mom kept leaning on me all the time.

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  4. I'm eager to read more. It sounds like your father was struggling with a serious disorder, and it clearly took a toll on you and your mom.

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    1. Writing this, I'm thinking that I'm glad that at least he's doing far better now.

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  5. Looking forward to the next installment, Sheldon. It must be tough to share this part of your life.

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    1. It is, I've got 3 installments done so far, writing more, it's a long story.

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  6. I commend your courage

    Probably your father would have gone through the most pain and anxiety as he would have known what was happening long before you or your mother became aware........

    Thankyou for sharing

    CM

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    1. I don't think he full realized what was happening, he know something was wrong, but didn't know what was wrong.

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  7. I will remember to bookmark your blog,and also I quite enjoyed reading Change Parts

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