Sunday, January 19, 2014

"Born Free, But Still They Hate Me"

Sheldon's note: Part of this blog post may not make sense unless you have read Monday's post, "You Can Check Out Anytime You Like, But You Can Never Leave"  first. If you haven't, please precede to read it first before continuing.

The resignation letter I sent by certified mail after my disastrous meeting with "Pastor Jones" Monday was apparently received. I got a card in the mail from him Saturday that just reeked of the passive aggressiveness he has shown lately in my attempts to leave. Here's the text of the card:
I am writing to inform you that we removed your name from our membership list by your request. I shared with the congregation Wednesday about your decision, and we are committed to loving you and praying for your restoration to Christ's church. I would still welcome you to come and ask me questions. My door is open to you.
 Talk about a healthy dose of good old fashioned fundamentalist shaming and passive aggressiveness. A fellow blogger (and former fundamentalist) on Facebook told me that they're practically telling me in fundie speak between the lines that I'm on the road to hell. This about sums up the way I feel about that:

Tweet courtesy of the Tweet of God parody account on Twitter

I am also highly suspicious of what he means by sharing with the congregation about my decision. I don't trust him, and some of the details I had told him, and explicitly told him was to remain in that office (why did I do that?), I wouldn't doubt that he has probably at least told my parents, if not the congregation itself.

He doubted what I said from the beginning about how my parents were, and "Jason", my former Sunday School teacher, who is the only person from this church standing behind me so far, has said that my mom probably ran to him and spilled all kind of her lies about me, and fundie parents always stick together, even when one of their own is in the wrong.

There's no better examples of than the powerful fundamentalist homeschooling group HSLDA, which defended parents who forced their children to live in cages, and called the father a "hero". They circle the wagons, defend each other, right or wrong. (Especially the baby boomer parents in that culture)

I was surprised by the way Pastor Jones reacted, trying to make excuses for them, trying to manipulate me into putting them back in my life by using the old "honor your mother and father" line, but I guess I shouldn't have expected any better reactions to abuse victims from a pastor in the Southern Baptist denomination.

 They're the same denomination that had one of it's top leaders fire a man for marrying a divorced woman, even though it was public knowledge that this woman had left her first husband because he tried to kill her. Nothing has ever been done so far by the Southern Baptist Convention to punish or reprimand Mr. Patterson for this.

Back to the card, I wonder what specifically Pastor Jones means by "Christ's church". Was that a jab at the Unitarian church he knows I'm in now? Is he trying to say that only "fundigelical" churches are true churches? Likely, that it is standard belief among that culture.

However, I wonder if he means that more specifically. Does he mean that only Southern Baptist churches are true churches, and most especially his church? If so, that borders on cult territory, and is very reminiscent of the Independent Fundamental Baptist cult that my sister fell so hard for.

Either way, they've proven to be a toxic church, one I won't associate with anymore, and I'm done dealing with them. Standing up for myself, and pulling myself out of abusive situations is something I have had to keep learning how to do in recent months. It's draining me, but it gets easier every time. 

I'm done tolerating hate filled, egotistical people, who demand that everyone believe the same, look the same, act the same as them, who want everyone to live life according to their desires and whims. No more. I won't tolerate it.

From the nation under god, I feel it's love like a cattle prod, born free but still they hate me.


  1. Disgusting behavior from the same Paige Patterson who ignored Darrell Gilyard's predatory behavior until it became too scandalous to be papered over.

    1. I forgot about Darrell Gilyard!

      I should write a post sometime about the worst behavior of SBC leaders. Paige Patterson and his history of siding with abusers, Al Mohler's support for the Sovereign Grace Ministries cult, etc.

      Btw, which leader was it that said that single mothers should give their children up for adoption, was that Russel Moore?

  2. The way these priests react shows they lack what they are teaching. I have a minister friend who never cared what church anyone went to, as long as it was christian (we all have faults). So which ever way you see his comment it means he does not approve and raises himself to the god level.

    What a way to think for a supposedly holy man.

    1. So much hypocrisy.... Goes to show that most of them don't follow all that "love your neighbor" stuff that Jesus preached.

  3. Honestly though, why do you care what your former church thinks of you? You certainly have no reason to respect them or their beliefs, you just told them to go take a long walk off a short pier, at least in their eyes, what difference does a passive aggressive response make? You're gone. Let them whine about it in their own way. What they think of you should be totally meaningless to you.

    1. You never have been devoutly religious, have you?

      It feels like a brutal divorce from an abusive spouse. I've lost most of what was left of my family, I lost the place that was my sense of community, and social circles for 12 years, and had them turn their back on me, and take the side of the abusers, I've lost years of my life to that place.

      Although, thankfully unlike most men in a divorce, I got to keep the house and the (furry) kid. ;)

  4. My guess is no, he did not tell the congregation. We aren't as important as we think. That said, he may use you as an example of what not to be. Say, "we've had a couple individuals leave the church," and blah blah.

    1. I was going to make a Pink Floyd reference about being another brick in the wall, but I realized you would get it, lol.

      Yeah, I wonder if he's going to complain about people leaving the church, or pontificate about how we need to teach our young people "godly values" thoroughly, so this happen to you....


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