Well, this past Friday, she told me that she had recognized my name. I have a rather unusual first name due to having parents as religious as mine, and she said she thought she had recognized me, but as soon as she saw my name, she knew who I was. Several years ago, she had been attending the church I have attended since I was 12, the church I am undercover in today. I couldn't remember her well, but she remembered me, and many of the people who were there then, when we we both teens, most of those people are still there, including my good friends "Sam and Rose", who I have come out to about my unbelief, there are 2 of only 5 people that know so far.
We had talked for a while about the old days, she didn't know Sam and Rose were dating, and she was happy to hear that they have been together for 3 years now, and all the while I'm talking to her, I can't pull up in my mind much of who she was, I couldn't hardly remember her. I have a strange sense of knowing when I can trust people and when I can't, despite my struggles in reading tone of voice, context, etc in conversations (I guess this special ability comes from dealing with the Stained Glass Masquerade effect that I have talked about in fundamentalist circles), and that radar was starting to come up that she was indeed someone I could trust.
There wasn't any more customers coming in, the credit union was going to close in about a half an hour, so I did what I don't do with hardly anyone: I told her some of the story of my life over the last few years.
I told her about my depression, and dealing with my doctor who couldn't understand why I am depressed ("You have a job, a house and insurance, what do you have to depressed about?"), my mother refusing to believe that I am depressed, and about my suspicions that I could be autistic.
I also talked about my leaving Christianity (but still remaining in the closet about that). There were a few details I left out, but I felt like I was in a confessional booth at a Catholic church, just letting it all out to the priest inside.
She was very supportive, and she told me that she is no longer a Christian herself, that there were many things she couldn't come to terms with either. We talked for about 20 minutes, and I went on, still trying to remember anything I could about her. Later that weekend, I went on to the church, and asked Rose about her while she was getting her kindergarten Vacation Bible School class ready for a Sunday morning presentation. She said that at the time we were all together in the church's youth department, that she had been dating a guy who was also regularly attending the church at the time (he has long since left), and she remembered her last name.
Apparently, according to her last name, she of Armenian descent, there is a small Armenian minority in my hometown (about 10-12 families, most of them came here in the 1910's and 1920's), I had been wondering about her slightly dark skin tone, I had been guessing Italian or Native America descent. As much information as Rose gave me, she didn't know much more about her than that.
I hope my sense of knowing when to trust people wasn't off this time, because even though I didn't tell her some of the more extreme details of my life, like my nervous breakdown nearly 6 years ago, or about about being literally forced to live at my parent's house, but I told her plenty enough. She seems like a really great woman, and I hope that I can get to her better over the next few months. The rebuilding on my house is moving fast, and I may be able to move into it in a month or so, and if she isn't with anyone currently (I'll find out later), she definitely seems like someone I could be compatible with. She has a great personality, and I have to admit, I defientely find her attractive.
Who knows, I'll keep everyone posted, I just have to take this as it comes, and see what happens. I definetely want to know more about her, and see if anything triggers my memory about who she was.