Tuesday, July 9, 2013
A Full Bottle of Pills and an Empty Wallet
So, on what rare occasions I do need to see a doctor, I end up going to the same Medicaid funded clinic that my mom and dad do, and I have the exact same doctor as them as well. This guy, well, let's just say that the state scraped the bottom of the barrel, as the American saying goes, in hiring him. He really doesn't know what he's doing, and I wouldn't trust him with any serious problems. I just went there because the allergy problems I was having made for good cover, since I haven't moved out of home yet.
I went in, talked him about the allergies, he wrote the prescriptions for that, and I talked to him about the depression, and how I have had it for most of my life, and in recent years, it's caused quite a bit of pain, stiffness, and fatigue. He didn't quite seem to understand why I would be depressed, and was basically saying "You have a job, insurance, and a house, what do you have to be depressed about?".
family doesn't get it). He wrote the prescription without protest, he asked if I was suicidal, I told him no, which is true, I have been in the past, but that's been at least 4 years ago.
So, 60 mg of Cymbalta it is. After going to the pharmacy to get all the perscriptions I got the bottle of anti-depressants, and hid it in my old SUV. It's only been 2 days on it so far, I probably won't know fully how it effects me for at least a week, but I have noticed slight changes in the problems with the fatigue, I have been waking up easier, and I'm not as tired during the day.
As I put the bottle away, I'm thinking this is ridiculous, all of it, having to hide this about my life because of a parent who is ignorant about mental illness, despite her entire family having issues with it, the fact the high co pays with my insurance wiped out what little cash I had left in the bank (rebuilding the house has draining my money horribly, but at least I get paid Friday), and the fact that I still can't come out about being agnostic.
Add to that the fact, that I still haven't been able to get around to seeing a psychiatrist about my suspicions that I could be autistic. I need to keep reminding myself one day at a time, a lot of progress has been made already, just a few months ago, I wouldn't have thought that I would be able to buy a house, and I have. I would have never thought that I would get this close to freedom. I've come so far, but it's still feels so far away at times.
Sheldon's note: I know my posts have been rather depressing lately (no pun intended), but I've ran out of ideas for religion related posts. I've said all I need to say about fundamentalism, I think you all get how awful of a philosophy it is by now, and until I actually have something new to talk about on that topic, I'll leave it alone. There's been some things in my personal life I just need to lay out there, to get it off my mind, to preserve what precious little sanity I have left.
I really do want to thank everyone who have been so supportive of me on the blog, and on Google +, if you haven't added me over there, check out my profile, and add me to circles. I promise you, I am more cheerful over there than I am here most of the time. If you aren't on Google+, join today, you won't regret it, there are great people over there, and it tends to be a smarter and more liberal/skeptical crowd there. If you are a fan of the blog, you will fit over there.