Friday, July 19, 2013

Lottery Balls and Superheros

It’s been 10 days on Cymbalta now, and it seems like it has taken full effect already (see my last post A Full Bottle of Pills and an Empty Wallet if you haven’t already). It was rather fortunate timing that I got on the medication when I did, because due to some circumstances beyond my control, I can’t access my Google + or Blogger account very often (I won’t discuss it publicly, but I’ll let some of my Google + fans know what is going on in the next few days). Between that, and the many hours I have been putting into rebuilding the house I may only be able to log on 2-4 times a month from now on.

It’s highly disappointing, my followers both on the blog and on Google + have been a great support to me over the past year as I have opened up about my past, and my current life. I feel like a recovering alcoholic that can’t get to their AA meetings. The lack of support would have truly caused me to lose what little I have left of my sanity had it not been for the medication. It’s made a world of difference in my life.

The chronic fatigue I used to deal with is gone, I still don’t have the energy levels that someone who is 24 years old should have, but I can wake up in the mornings fairly easily, and I don’t feel tired all the time. The pain and stiffness has been greatly reduced, I don’t get the stiffness in my arms and legs anymore, and the pain in my lower back has been greatly reduced, I don’t usually notice it unless I have been moving around a lot that day.

One of the best aspects of being on Cymbalta is that I now not only don’t have to deal with the physical symptoms hardly at all, but my mind has calmed down quite a bit. MY mind used to race all the time, all these conflicting thoughts trying to process all at once, competing for my attention, causing anxiety, making me worry that in all the chaos, I was going to end up forgetting something along the way, and leading to a lot of obsessive habits.

 If you could have looked inside my mind at the time, it would have looked something like when the numbered balls bounce around in the round plastic container during a bingo game or a lottery drawing, thoughts bouncing around, crashing into each other, just like those white plastic balls, so loud and chaotic, and hard to watch. I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with that anymore. I’m still somewhat obsessive (occasionally I still pace back and forth, which annoys people to no end, but not nearly as often), but my mind is so much clearer, my memory actually works, and I’m so much calmer. The Cymbalta has given me what fundamentalism always promised but never delivered on: peace of mind.

The house has been progressing rather quickly, two rooms are nearly done, it’s driving me broke in the process, but that’s the price I pay, I’m glad it’s moving along so fast. I’ve been able to meet many of the neighbors while working on the house. One house across the street does have a group of addicts living in it, but heroin/codeine addiction is so common in the St. Louis area, I would actually be surprised if there wasn’t an addict on the block. Most people have been very welcoming; it’s mostly families living in the area, some with young children.

There has been this boy from two houses down that has been coming by to talk to me and my parents as we have been working on the house, and for a wide variety of reasons, I have been wondering if he is autistic, his mother hasn't mentioned it, but has said that the school district has had him tested for ADD/ADHD, and they felt that he didn't have that. He’s known as the joker in his family, and one day, he showed up to the house when my mom and dad were working on it, in underwear, his sister’s bra, makeup on his face, and a cape from a superhero costume, and shouted “I’m Underwear Man!”. My mom just about doubled over laughing, and ever since then, I have been calling him Underwear Man or Captain Underwear.

He always has to ask questions about how the rebuilding of the house is coming along, and seems like a rather smart and talkative kid, but you can tell he doesn't understand people and how they act quite often, and has certain speech patterns that are out of the ordinary, he reminds me in some ways of myself at that age, although people could typically understand me well when I spoke, and even at his age, I wouldn't have pulled the Underwear Man stunt, I was always too serious and analytical for that.

I’ll miss not being able to regularly post on the blog, and interact with people on Google +, hopefully that can change in the next several months, I hope I can afford to buy a new computer, and establish an internet connection in the house by then. There’s so much that needs to be done in the meantime, and limited funds to do it with though.

 Since I won’t be able to post often, I’ve changed one of the settings on the blog. I used to have it set to have any comments on posts older than 4 days old to go into comment moderation (I had that done since trolls and spammers used to like to attack older posts for some reason), but now, to make life a little easier on the blog audience, since I won’t be posting often, it’s been set to 30 days. If you try to contact me by e-mail (, or on Google + in the next months, keep in mind that it may take a while for me to respond.

I really do miss the regular readers/commenters on the blog, and my more loyal followers on Google +, I don’t know if many of you out there realize just how much all that support from the people out there means to me. I wish everyone the best, and hope that you remain patient with me through the next few months until I can finally get to posting regularly again.


  1. I'm glad the Cymbalta is giving you much-needed peace of mind. Have you experienced any side effects so far? Here's to a more balanced and peaceful life, one you very much deserve.

  2. Keep well Sheldon and we look forward to you coming back online in force. Have fun rebuilding the house.

  3. I'll be back in force when I can finally come back, believe me. ;)

  4. Glad that it is working so well for you!

  5. Don't know about your internet connection, or your capacity with linux, but I'd highly recommend getting a Raspberry Pi. $42 for a computer after shipping... it'll run on any 700mA or higher phone charger (micro-usb connection), those run for only a few bucks if you need one... you'd need a 4gb or bigger full sized SD card (probably less than $5 on amazon?) and if you can't do a wired connection (it has built in 100mb RJ45 port) the wireless dongle tested with it is like $20... so even with all the bells and whistles (oh, you can build a case for it out of almost anything... i used legos for a while) it's still sub $100 for a computer capable of internet and 1080p video. Not fast, but it works.


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