Changed Locks and Violent Parents (Part 2): Picking Up the Shattered Pieces

Sheldon's note: If you haven't already, read post 1, The Confrontation, before continuing to read this post, because it will not make sense out of context.

After the confrontation Wednesday, I'm resting, and trying to pick up the pieces of my life. They haven't attempted to visit, or contact me, if they try, or if they make a huge scene if I encounter them in a public place (which could easily happen in a town of 30,000 people), then I'll file charges and/or a restraining order.

 I know some people had been asking about that, if I would go through with a restraining order, but I was already notified by the officer at the scene that they can be prosecuted simply for trying to contact me, or showing up at the house again. If they do attempt anything like that, or go after "Cathy", the neighbor that is helping me with my dog, "Happy Horse", then there will be hell to pay legally for them (especially if they try to go after Cathy and her kids).

Right now, I guess you could best describe me as being war weary, and trying to recover. I'm looking at where to go from here. All I know is that I'm going nowhere near them from now on, my mom has proven that she can't change.

She actually had the nerve to tell my sister in Indiana that she couldn't understand why I got law enforcement involved. Seriously? Relative or not, if someone is trying to force their way into your home, what else would you do? Better question, why can't a mentally healthy 54 year old adult understand this basic concept (or is trying to pretend not to, she's good at playing stupid sometimes)?

My life is going to drastically change, I know that I have to rebuild all of my social circles all over again, from this week forward, I'm no longer the Undercover Agnostic.

The time had come for me to finally come out, my sister already knows that I'm not a Christian anymore, though I didn't tell her about becoming an atheist, but from now on, if the issue comes up in conversation, or I'm asked, I'll calmly lay it out there. I'm not the kind of person to shout what I believe on faith, politics, etc, from the rooftops offline, it's not who I am.

The problem arises however, that I'm going to have to rebuild all my social circles all over again, the people I knew from the fundie church will drift away for various reasons, whether it be simple lack of contact/no shared interests, believing the lies that my mom will inevitably tell them about this incident, or rejecting me as being an "evil sinner", even though my lifestyle won't change that much, I'll be "one of them", the people from the evil outside world, no matter how I live my life.

Some of them will stick around like, Jason, the Sunday School teacher (partly because we still work for the same company), and the young couple Sam and Rose, that I have been good friends with for years, but I need to start new circles, look for new groups, it's getting too quiet and lonely around the house.

I had thought that I would skip anything resembling a church from now on, but it turns out that getting up and going somewhere on a Sunday morning is too hard of a habit to break.

I went this past Sunday to a Unitarian church. I had to go about 10-15 miles to a nearby community for the closest one, it only took me about 20 minutes to get to the neighborhood, but about 30 minutes to find the church within the historical neighborhood that the church is in (thanks, Google Maps).


 It was a little odd, not having people swarm you as you come in, like will happen at fundamentalist churches (though I did appreciate the lack of Personal Space Invaders there), but the people were causal and friendly enough.

It was an odd paradox during their Christmas service, singing songs, participating in some traditions that were apparently spinoffs of Catholic and mainline Protestant traditions (denominations like the Episcopal church), in a 100 plus year old cathedral like building, while a minister bases his sermon off of the old Dr. Suess story,The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. At the end of the service, he gave a benediction from an old Jewish tradition.

As a former fundamentalist, it was quite baffling, but interesting. One of the members, whose family has been in the church for 3 generations, has said that this service this year just happened to be a Christmas style service, they alternate holidays each year during this season, last year was a Yule service.

 Hey, why not? After all, Christmas is based off of many of those traditions, and the Catholic church, and later Martin Luther, intended for Christmas to replace Yule.


It brought a smile to my face later, when I found their bathroom, and the sign said it was an "all gender" bathroom, they accept people of all gender identities.

This seems like a crowd I can get definitely get along with, especially in the after fellowship, when the minister had said that he was recently invited to a costume party, and he went as Tonya Harding, and his wife went as Burt Reynolds. The host of the party wasn't amused by this, and he was baffled by their response.....

Maybe this might be the place where I can rebuild the social circles I need, and I might ask the minister about options regarding counseling, let him know what has happened in my life. The only issue is that I noticed a huge age gap in this church, everyone is either in their 30's, married with young children, or in their 60's.

It will be some time before I would consider it, but eventually, I wanted to start dating again. I had been holding off in recent years, because it wouldn't have been fair to bring some poor woman into the mess that was my life. I got so sick of hearing the "good godly girl" line from my mom, and some years ago, she asked me why I hadn't been dating. I had told her, "How can I give of my life to someone else, when my life isn't mine to give in the first place?". She wasn't happy, and gave up on the nagging about it for several months, and then started it up again. It was true, though, my life, nothing about me was mine to give.

I wouldn't know where to start though, once I do try again. First of all, where would I meet people? Would atheist groups in my area have plenty of young adults? Maybe, I mean after all, my generation is rejecting religion at a record pace, and there may be plenty of ex-fundamentalists there like me, that would know where I'm coming from.

The first challenge would be meeting someone, then finding out if they can tolerate me, and my odd obsessive personality, and the baggage I'm trying to toss out, that has collected over the years. That's the real challenge.....

I've been real lonely lately, and I miss being in a relationship, the emotional closeness and trust, and the affection (being with a girlfriend, or a close female friend is the only occasions where I even like affection in the first place, otherwise, it's intolerable).

I really need to meet someone in person that's a lot like Lana Hope, someone who is smart, very open minded, who has a lot of love and compassion for people. Someone who if isn't a fellow ex-fundamentalist, at least understands a bit where I'm coming from in life, and what the effects of that were.

Where/how do I find someone like this in my area? Where do I even begin? Should I wait for a while before even attempting this?