This is going to be a bit of rant, so bear with me for a moment. You see, I'm still in the closet when it comes to my change in beliefs from fundamentalist to agnostic in the last two years. I've only told 3 people from my past fundamentalist life, they responded better than I thought, and so far have kept my confidence, but for family reasons, I need to remain quiet about this for the next year or so. (Perhaps that's why I never shut up online, I need to vent a little, lol). Call me a coward for staying in the closet, maybe I am, buy it's necessary for right now. That's the reason why I blog under the name of a Big Bang Theory character, besides the fact that I'm a big fan of the show, and people have compared me to him before because I have OCD.
I'm at a library, enjoying what little time I can spare to be online anymore, and I see an older man pull up to the PC next to me. It's a member of my former congregation. Crap..... At this time, I'm about to update this blog, I'm in a conversation with two people on facebook from a group for former Christians that I belong to, and I have to drop all that, rudely cutting off the people I was talking to (I hated doing that, I think it's rude when people do that to me, drop off chat without notice), while he carries on about his home printer being out, and he had to print shipping labels to Ebay.
So I spend the whole time listening to him talk, while casually browsing Google News as cover, because one glance over at the screen could send everything crashing down around me. He didn't leave, and I got kicked off the PC I was on due to time limits. I hate living this way, I really do, living a double life, looking over my shoulder, knowing that it's possible to be outed accidentally at any time. I know that what I'm going through is nothing compared to some people, like Egyptian blogger Alber Saber, who is facing prison time for his facebook postings, but I still think that it's wrong that in the in 21st century in the US, that I should have to do this. Why can't people respect other people's beliefs? why can't families accept that their adult sons/daughters have changed their beliefs without trying to force their old faith down their throats all over again, or taking the change in beleifs as a rejection of them as a parent? Why are atheists still seen as immoral people, when on average, if you define morality as not harming others, atheists are actually more moral than most people who follow a religion? Have you seen lately what religious people have been doing around the world? Have you seen what clergy have been doing to young people in the Catholic church and even Protestant denominations like the IFB Movement ?
Alright, that's the end of my rant, now back to regularly scheduled blogging.... ;)
In the long term you'll be happier if you get new friends, ones you can actually be honest with and having meaningful conversations with.
ReplyDeleteLife's too short to torture yourself by maintaining a fake persona all the time to avoid disturbing empty relationships.
I understand, right now, it's kind of necessary, like I said for family reasons, I just can't come out right now, I'll have to wait for about a year or so, until some life circumstances can change.
DeleteWhat are the chances you can point me to another post that discusses your past a little more thoroughly? :)
ReplyDeleteHi Erin, I haven't told my past on here in it's entirety, soon I will be writing for Godless Poutine's blog, mysecretatheistblog.com
DeleteI talk in bits and pieces about my past, here's a few posts were I briefly skim over it, especially my past connections to the IFB movement, and my "de-conversion" experience.
http://ramblingsofsheldon.blogspot.com/2012/09/former-ifb-pastor-jack-schaap-pleads.html
http://ramblingsofsheldon.blogspot.com/2012/09/bruce-gecenscener-part-2-comments-on.html
It was certainly the IFB-part I was looking for. I was looking for a way to gain perspective of what, exactly, you had left. :) Thanks.
DeleteThanks for being a faithful reader of the blog:)
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ReplyDeleteYes, life in the closet. I know it well. The Google+ button on the left panel of Blogger has been tempting me for ages. But I would need to merge with my real profile.
ReplyDeleteStill, I've been considering putting my real name out there. The more I blog, the easier it is for anyone who knows me to put two and two together and figure it out. Still, as soon as my real name is on the blog Google will make the link and it's highly likely to show up on a Google search of my name.
I'm not so much concerned about myself as my family and my kid. Will this affect my job opportunities? Will some of my harsh criticisms of Catholicism put me into hot water?
Would people in Quebec really get that offended over criticisms of Catholicism? From what I know about Quebec from your blog and from the books by Kathy Reichs, I though Catholicism was on the decline, and that the remaining Catholics were usually "cultural Christians"
ReplyDeleteI think countries don't matter much when referring to religious people. That makes them more powerful in a decadent way, but still powerful. I can say in Argentina, where the unbelievable happens, most people are Catholics, but few care or go to church (except when they're baptised -my daughter was the very first to not having been baptised, followed by one of my brothers' kids(Dante) . My other bro (Vince) who also lives in Australia, had to do it because his near future-ex wife wanted to.P
ReplyDeleteArgentinians also enjoy the church wedding (except me, who apart from having Kimba when single, I never thought I needed to be married- K's dad said I was crazy, but just that one comment) We were not a very traditional family, therefore it was an easy exit. My father was a Vet and a teacher and if he ever prayed, it was when he suffer from cancer, a few years before passing away.
I consider myself even luckier than you Sheldon.
One last thing I'm afraid to share anything now!!!!If I cause you any trouble, I die. and there's only hell for me Ha Please tell me exactly what not to do. Chau bello.
Betta: Anything I post here or on Google +, is well, public. It's nothing I would worry about being out there in the open.
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